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Today, 2 news events struck me the most

#1 Its about my god Sachin Tendulkar. Today is his birth day!

In the recent times he has had lot of physical injuries and as result, hasn't been in good form, on the ground. Off the ground, he has spent most time traveling to UK for treament (surgery, routine check-up's etc. ).

Equally, off the field, many morons have been off the mark, on his recent performance and mainly to take him out of the team.

International cricket today is no joke. Un-imaginable pressure, seemingly un-attainable targets, the bar is set so high is always crossed to push it even more higher. Result : takes a toll on the players. This is applicable for any cricketer 'who takes the game seriously'.

Tendulkar doesn't belong to that crowd. This is the guy, till today, on many occasions, doesn't sleep the night before a crucial match! One could argue that as immaturity. Its not. Its his highest and singular thinking to carry the 'burden' on his shoulder.

Yes, he carries it as 'burden', as to him, its his country vs. the opponent. Every inning of his bat, every story behind his statistics tells a book full of 'facts' about his performance. This is a short summary of the great man.

Yet, in the last match he played, when he got out, he got booed. This dispicable act has, as Wasim Akram the great bowler mentioned should have an impact on this man.

Think about it. Every game has only 2 possibilities, victory or loss. Every human has physical limitations. Every human being in this world has a sinusoidal wave of good and bad times. He is an human too !

What these numb-skulls have forgotten is that the same man, single handedly carried the country to some un-believable victories.

What's also forgotten is those days, when he took it upon himself to not walk back to the dressing room, with the rest of the 10, but instead proved that one man can indeed make a difference.

What's forgotten is even when his captain was involved in betting and signing off matches to the opponents, and not scoring more than 20 runs, this guy stood the ground and face the opponents and win on top of it.

What's forgotten is, even today, in any game, until he is out, the opponents holded their heart in their hand as they know that he is the face of this team/country and unless and until he is not in the crease, the game is far over from the Indian side. That's the threat he poses to any one facing his nation.

Having established himself, upto this... just because you paid few hundreds of rupees for the ticket and he has a bad day and you boo him out.

He is not a juke box to play your favorite song, when you put a quarter.

Where're you souls people ? I feel ashamed to be an Indian today for this, for another having committed this despicable act.

These worms see only the entertainment value, not the value/courage/skill/impeccable dedication and patriotism in him.

Its the expectation embedded in the gene that in the hours of entertainment, whether it be movie or cricket, one would want to see only sweet ending or successful outcome. Only those are 'allowed'. Loss is a disgrace.

Organs such as these, which is not able to apply commone sense and see the dedication, shouldn't be called as heart !

Its a disgrace to all those who are not able to see the man behind this all. If one would think of putting anyone else in the world in his position, with the pressure, would hang themselves. He being still focused alone deserves such a credit, while we exclaim that.

Wake up you zombies : Remember, even when a lion rests, its a Lion !

#2 Sun Microsystems Inc', Scott McNealy stepped down today as CEO.

Of all the time I gazed as Sun servers, in the early part of my career, it was a dream come true to work for the company. The 3.5 years I spent at Sun, admist all chaos, was with a divine feeling. The holding force on me, as many other employees was the CEO Scott McNealy.

Thro' his regular radio-cast, employees were able to hear the man out and outside of unbeatable wits, he sounded very straight-forward and above all, 'honest'.

This developed a strong bond in me, toward him. Not only I was being taught, as how best one should communicate to the employees, but how to keep them focused, even when the company was doing bad financially.

Personally, I felt the employee morale was high, just because of him. He led the company really well in a very difficult situation. Its well know that it was only him, who stood as a buffer between the board (which wanted to wipe off the work force) and the work force.

He led the company, thro' the most difficult times. Surviving, fighting and winning to fight another day against bullies like Microsoft is no joke. IBM was a different competitor all together.

He not only stood the ground, but also proved his critiques wrong, every single time. I felt proud to work for him, than even the company !

IT market went down. Sun may have done some strategic mistakes ( whether it be on Java or Solaris or Sun hardware ), but if you were look thro Sun's eyes I do think they did a phenomenal job, in the miniscule of space they had to fight but against the 'shenanigans' as Scott called Microsoft and few others. once.

While I didn't get a chance to meet the man personally, I remember it as yesterday the times I drafted mails to send to him, thanking him sometimes, suggesting him on few etc., but never sent them :)

But nevertheless, I do feel very proud to have gotten a chance to work for a great leader, who cared atmost for his employees, even thro' the difficult times.

Thank you sir for giving me a chance to work for you. Its an honor and my pleasure, to be part of your great company, in my career.

While he is stepping away to a not so new leader, I'm sure, this is not the last we've heard from Scott. Good luck Scott !

Change

Things have changed dramatically in the last couple of days. I landed on a new job!

Since then, I had been having the dilemma of what to write and what to keep it with in myself, but my mind had been just so restless, waiting to explode. Equally, not helping was those close to me, being very busy and as a result, unavailable. I've tons to talk to them, about almost everything. Well, that's a down thought, let me talk about something else.

Life as I saw, last Friday, April the 14th, has changed completely. I feel old, I feel the tired now, more than before and to a greater part, I don't want to look back. Neither do I prefer to go thro' what I went thro' already. For that sense, nobody should.

In this chaotic time, 2 things struck among many others...
One was as how my mind went just blank, on Friday. It just was filled with void. Mind was restless and was stuck in the past. New faces, new names, new environment, new setup, new direction... all were sensed, but didn't create an imprint. It could be sinking in, in the future, I hope. Why ??

Second was today. Had been to my old-colleague/friend's place. Not so long ago, I was in the same place, but on a completely different situation. I was uncontrollably emotional, so much of FUD around me, he and my other friend were equally stuck, as what to tell me.

Today was a casual visit, but apart from it, nothing was casual at all. Past was just being played in front of my eyes, while it was watching TV. Sometimes, I feel too much of memory about things around you, from the past and the part of the brain that 'connects the dots' doesn't help, but instead causes lot of worries and confusion.

As I went into my friends room to pick up his badminton racket, I felt I was punched in my face. Several months back, I was there, in the same room, exactly in the same place, talking to my mom and practically confining myself in need of space and to bawl out.

Life has changed, but it all seemed just as yesterday. The wound is so fresh, while the time has swished away.

Today, when I look back, its a miracle that given the state I was, now I'm in a position to think about that time, write about it and equally look forward.

Very strong and extreme decisions were taken. Walked out on so many of the routines, confined myself for the longest I have known from myself and many others. Time could prove me correct or wrong, but I do think that this patient, needed that bitter medicine.

But, I've not forgotten the very few things that did happen and that did have a profound impact on me. Yes, this one was done by not me, but very few others.

While I'd not like to name names and go around talking about it ( as its private and precious ), I did justice in being open about it, to the concerned people. Their time and the light they brought into my life ( I'm sure they'd not have realized that and neither they'd agree to that today but ), is something that I'll always have, the deepest of appreciation, gratitude and regard. I do believe in messengers sent by god, now more than ever. I sincerely pray to god for them, to bring in everything that could be brought in this world, for as what they did and how they did it, is not something normal.

I'd like to stop here on that note. Its no somber note, but rather a living testimony and tribute to those who stood by the side of me, not only holding me, but also keeping me alive and to take me to a new direction, for that I'm seeing today, as I write it now.

God bless.

Identity Crisis

Given the recent enforcement upon me to get to know few aspects of Neuro PhyscologyI looked back and realized that I'm having an identity crisis ! Yes, that's true, crisis of my real identity.

It dawned on when A said that there is a disconnect between me and my surroundings, as it depended on how I reacted in the past.

What I'm today is not who I was or whom I've been. But times have changed, I've changed or forced to change, by time. It has consequences.

A was absolutely right, while some part of me resisted the reality, it is what it is. Reason for the resistance was "what I'm today is not who I was". Eric Erickson says the onset of the identity crisis is in the teenage years, and only individuals who succeed in resolving the crisis will be ready to face future challenges in life. But the identity crisis may well be recurring, as the changing world demands us to constantly redefine ourselves. People experience an identity crisis when they lose "a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity".

Loosing "personal samness and historical continuity", wow great words. That's right. When time and event's in my life forces changes, they're aren't easy and there is a clear disconnect between the present and the past. My mind revolts. Fear of loosing the 'sameness' prevails, while failing to connect back.

While, what lead to this is what I should be focused on now, to resolve, I realized its a catch-22. I can't resolve when I don't have a 'historical continuity', but I need to handle or handle better, the same disconnect, in order for me to stay focused.

I now think, this is life. You get dinged on your sides when you roll, but you got to keep moving.

Momentary stops and healing those wounds out of dings are the forces acting, to stop you from moving. Very interesting dilemma.