Second-guess

Its been a very rough week... 2 events just threw out what I had written before.

The preamble would be, what happened way back in the year 2000. It was the time, I had number of job-offers and was going thro' non-stop interviews. R was one such company, which had called in for an interview at 7PM on a weekday. Even at that phone invitation, the person sounded a bit cold, more like 'take it or leave it'. I was puzzled, but wanted to give my best shot.

I was new to the area and I got lost. I did update him that I'm running late and infact had to take directions from him at one point. Finally, I sit in front of him and after the customariness and apologies for getting lost and arriving late, he shot back!

He said, he had received 2 resumes of mine, one from my current employer( consulting firm ) and other directly from me. It was one of those situations, where we both had applied to the same position, at the same time. He put both of the in front of them in the table and looked at me like an insect.

I understood the situation and tried to put it straight that, I'm trying to be on my own. But it was late, he had already second-guessed me and firing at me, from all cylinders. He didn't even allow me to explain myself. He just was straight out angry.

I could get very little out of him, but it was clear that he had assumed something that he didn't want to tell me, but was on the process of ruling me out, to my face.

I had two choices, either walk out, shouting back at him that its not a crime that I committed by searching and finding a job on my own or the 2nd choice being, still attempt to give my best shot as I didn't want to ruin my chances, by being impatient.

I was down thro' the 2nd choice, but little room was there and the conversation ended cold and abrupt where in I surely knew the outcome.

As a fascinating turn of events, just with in an year, dot-com burst took them to the ground and they were out of the scene! I was elsewhere, but while I was wondering what could've happened to me, if I had gotten that job, I was thinking of what happened on that dark, cold night and mainly - how a person could decide with out getting the facts and without giving me a chance to tell, what I was doing.

Roll forward to 2006 -
To start, this week I had spent hours on phone-calls, in pursuit of a job, but ran into some awkward situations :( I was struck with what happened in 2000, during those 2 situations.

I was talking to some random placement firm. The recruiter told me about a position. It was great, we agreed on rest of the terms as well. Worked on presenting myself well and it all came out as a charm and I was presented.

Next day, I get a call from the same person in a very sad tone that a SPAM has taken place. SPAM in this context I was told of a different meaning.

One's resume can be picked up from somewhere and without his/her knowledge can be presented to a company and if the company is interested, then the consulting firm would talk to the candidate about it.

This was completely new. I felt cold to realize what has happened. This recuitter had been working and hopeful that I'd get it and if so, it'd be his earning. But when he presented the case, my resume was already thro' somebody that we both don't know[ understandably the company can't disclose all those involved ]. His food was snatched, in front of his eyes.

Now, not only my candidacy was vulnerable, but I was directly in conversation with a person, whom I fear is second-guessing me, that I played some trick here.

Not only I don't know who that John Doe is, but what assurances can I give to this recruiter that I didn't share his findings with anyone else. After about 20 minutes of assurance that if I do hear from the company, I'd try to get him in and that I'd like to do this very professionaly and honestly - atleast in his words he sounded somewhat better. But the damage was done. He lost an account, he was sad ! Neither did I hear back from the company !

Just when I was reeling thro' this unfortunate turn of events, I realized that I was part of the 2nd one for the day, already. This was up close and personal.

Feeling enormously down in realizing what happened to my best friend, I wasn't able to talk properly or actually not able to pretend everything was fine to the other important entity in the whole thing.

My thoughts and suggestion of seclusion during tough times, just unfolded right in front of me and back fired in minutes! An ultimatum was served to my friend.

What I was and still am unable to overcome is what happened finally to the person at the core of this, my precious friend. That person got dinged from both the sides. To start with, all that person wanted was some comfort that was found in me. Fine, but when this loose-tongue thought too much of himself to suggest seclusion and that time should be given time, I was second-guessed ! The damage was instantaneous.

I was thought to have barged in, invaded the privacy and the worst of it - it pushed my friend to a corner :(

I wanted calm and peace to prevail so badly !

I didn't know where I was standing as I felt the ground underneath was moving rapidly and what stability I've, to comfort my friend, who was in need of it, more than ever.

I still don't know what I could have done or how the future is going to unfold, while the thought of both just freezes me up the spine, but I kept racking my braing with one question " why again, why me - what did I do wrong ".

Am I supposed to walk away when I see that someone is in trouble, enormous dis-comfort. NO!

But, suggesting someone to take time to be calm is a crime, I realize now, but it was my bad luck, I think that the underlying fact was overseen and I was seen an invader.

I've come to the point, that may be, my point of view about assumptions, conclusions and the so called talking-thro' tough situations, are squarely wrong !

Anyway, may god bring some peace into my friend's home and calmness in her mind, all asap. That's all I can think of and hope now :(