Ex tempore decisio

A conversation with a close friend brought me into this - "language" i.e. the 'usage of words'. While I try to follow that I should measure my words and not hurt anyone inadvertently, I have often ran into problems and end up being branded as 'paranoid' or 'unnecessary thinker', 'think too much', 'emotional person' and few others.

Its paradoxical, as misunderstanding is what I'm trying to avoid. What I found hard to fight could be classified into three categories

• Assumptions : People don't ask for clarification, instead assume
• Conclusions : Very closely related to 'Assumptions', but much more fatal
• Errors : Inadvertent or deliberate mistakes
  

Assumptions : To a great part I believe, they're the root of all evils. If I don't have the guts to ask for clarification, I shouldn't assume. "Never assume anything", Cosmo Kramer of Seinfeld says in an episode. Open communication clears all 'doubts'.

Conclusions : As assumptions, this is not good. If I conclude, I'm removing the option for the other person to clarify his/her position. "This is it, this is what it means and I'm right about it" is what we come across the most. Should I give the person a chance to explain and then decide what's right and what's not ? Even with that option, wouldn't putting across what I had in mind, how/why it had changed ( if it has changed ), help to mitigate the mis-understanding?

Errors : These could be serious or could be silly. What ever it is, we're talking about 'after the fact' scenario. i.e. the mistake has been done, target has been hit.

What do I do ?

• I can conclude and rule the person off
• I can assume, conclude and still rule the person off
• I can just not think about it, which is almost equivalent to #1
• I can reach the person, explain things, get his point of view and then decide

#4 is based on the simple belief that "every coin has 2 sides" and "hindsight is 20/20".

All these have an under-current "reach" i.e. reach the person, get to know the facts and then decide. The not of this, precludes all others.

Two cases in my experience stands out...
1. My friend said something and I couldn't digest it. Years of acquaintance, came to an abrupt end. An year and half passed in silence. I woke up one morning, 7AM it was. Decided in less than 20 seconds that I could've been wrong as I didn't hear him out. Wrote a mail "what ever has happened has already happened, we can't change, but we can forget or ignore them and move on". With in a day, he wrote and reached back.

2. My friend's derogatory comment about my family member, at the heights of a discussion, didn't go well with me. I just froze in time confined in a mental-block. 5 years passed. The trio broke to 2 but I realized the dangling end after 5 years, just when I was hearing about another friend's story on friendship. Realized that I can see far and beyond - wrote a mail guessing the id's out of memory. 6/7 mails bounced. But one of them reached and reached the correct person. I got a call from half way thro' the world in less than 12 hours and we spoke for 3 hours to catch up with the 5 years we had drifted away.

I can never, ever seem to agree that "you say what you want to say and dont worry about how its taken". Words uttered can't be taken back, but can be brushed aside - I believe.

Am I wrong ? Is this too much of a thing to think about ?