Purgatory

Posting after a long time... last few days/weeks have been really busy.

Didn't want to waste time on 'anything' but to be with my dearest friend. Often, time seemed to fly away and I wanted it to hold it, to not run away, but with no luck.

Hindsight, I feel very happy to what ever I got and what I was able to do, in the time I had.

Yesterday, it was an unusual drive to the San Francisco Airport. I've been there several times, like the airport too, but for the 1st time, I was a zombie, while I was driving yesterday night. My mind was just absolutely blank. While some song was on, in my car, nothing registered in my mind. People around me were talking to me too, but nothing registered, there either.

Looking back, I just can't comprehend the last few months. Life has take quiet a bit of a roller coaster ride. While I don't want to think back, as where and how I was, it just amazes me to feel that I'm seeing today, writing this in a much more different mood than before. Why?

Breaking out of any routine is never easy. May it be work, eating habits, extra curricular activities, anything that's been systematic - its never easy. While I did break out of lot of my routines, say 4 months back, getting into a new routine seemed hard in the beginning, but had a good grasp not so late. Felt very comfortable and 'this patient needed that medicine'. Mind and body got used to it. That became the new routine.

But now, there is a new routine ahead of me, but I feel more like the trajectory of a stone out of a sling - it travels very fast in the beginning, but as it travels, it slows down and sometimes feels it's not moving at all. Why?

I feel like thrown out of a centrifuge ! Why?

Getting back to the airport, after the usual routine, had a good amount of time to just sit and chat with my friend and while time again seemed to rush, I wanted to freeze the needle in my watch, to not move. But, well, atleast the timing worked out just perfect to have time to not miss anything( routine procedures, chat and photo-sessions ) and then the hard part "send off".

I remember every one of my send off from Chennai Airport but yesterday I realized even more as how hard it should've been to my family members - We're talking, but our minds aren't there. We're seeing time and signs, but they're not helping. We wish to stop the reason( as why we're there ) from happening, but can't and infact shouldn't.

To all those, who read this and who're under the illusion that traveling to US or traveling away from your family and friends is just easy or carry the 'its part of life' argument, I'd like to say - you're "squarely wrong". If you're able to handle it well, it doesn't mean that you got the knack of it, it just means that you're not bonded well to that person!

Back to the San Francisco Airport, it was very hard to see my friend go, as it was equally a very different drive back home, long and lonely. Alas, my friend is going back to the routine/system, that's safe, fun-filled and that is not new - I felt happy about it.

But in all good hope, I hope time and our good luck turns this impasse to just as a short-break and I could get back to the centrifuge and swivel as before, with my friend by my side.

Help me god!