Ennulley

I've moved

2009-06-04T15:15:00.001-07:00

Thank you for visiting, I welcome you to my new home.

Tim Russert

2008-06-13T18:05:00.001-07:00

I'm shattered today to know that Tim Russert, of "Meet the Press" has passed away. I'm just shocked.

Tim : You taught me American Politics! You were the shine of political journalism.

Every Sunday, it was a ritual for me to watch 'Meet the Press'. I'd get up on time, to make sure that I watch from the beginning to the end. I have rearranged my schedules, to not miss your program.

Your superb professional attitude to handle your guest ( Prime Ministers, Presidents, Politicians alike ) was and will always remain, 'unique', grilling them through the toughest of toughest topics.

It reflected your hard work, sincere study of the subject, thorough analysis and impartial approach to get the information behind all the fog.

Except for the time, I was physically away on Sundays, I've watched you every single Sunday. If I did miss, it has always been one of those lingering thought for me, to get the podcast asap and get to watch it or listen to it. It was because of you and your work.

While I'm not at all surprised that this evening, every single radio and tv channel featuring politicians and every single individual he touched - are stunned at you leaving us, it just has raised so much uncertainty in the media at the lack of direction to 'information' and mainly the 'lack of truth' that your loss has forced upon us.

Personally, I'm just stunned at the inevitability and fragile nature of 'life'. I really wished to follow your programs through out this political year and much beyond.

I'm deeply saddened at your loss and for sure Sunday mornings are 'never' going to be the same for me, as others.

As you'd finish your program 'if its Sunday, its Meet the Press', I'll miss you for sure, every Sunday Tim.

May god bless you Tim, rest in piece.

Marching on...

2008-05-12T18:34:00.001-07:00

Didn't get much time to spend on this, but in the little I had - changed the plan quiet a bit and here I'm...

Back again, with 1000 tiles !

2008-05-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Long time, no see... Took a while to write, but well have been thinking about it all the time. Finally pushed myself to write this.

Inspired by a friend, bought a Jigsaw puzzle - Thomas Kinkade's "Christmas Cottage", a 1000 piece puzzle!

Day #1
Took time today, to place them on board(s). Have some ideas to get the image, lets see...

Plan to document this effort also, a naive to get back to blogging :)

May the force be with me!

2007-06-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Its been very busy lately. But break between jobs is always good. With a new job about to push me and my time lines, it was really good to have a break from the daily grind.

What better place, there could've been than Niagara Falls !!!!!

While the flight travel ( with layover's ) and the time-change between PST and EST was tuff, the mere thought of having spent 2 full days erases all that little suffering.

Niagara Falls is a marvel of mother nature and it was one of the best places I've ever been.

The stay in Buffalo, NY and the frequent commute to the falls was great. Living in the Bay area, Buffalo, NY to me, was a small and lonely city. Much smaller was the city of Niagara Falls, NY.

'Maid of the mist', 'Cave of the winds' and the view of the abundant water in Niagara River, even now makes me feel fresh.

I wished I had more time and immigration approvals to travel to Canada and view the falls from that side as well, but I'll wait :) If you've not been to Niagara Falls, I highly recommend it. Its a must see.

We came with beautiful and unforgettable memories. Even the very few captured turned out to be 515 photos in number.

It was truly a dream come true, having amazed reading about it, seeing glimpses of it. Being there with my wife and parents was a god bless.

Now that my batteries are charged I'm excited to face the new job, environment, people et al.,

May the force be with me, god!

Change

2007-02-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Change is constant !

Its been a significant shift in the way I see things, in the way I think about things.
But its all sweet.

Every decision is required to be seen from multiple points, rather than one.

This ever-planning brain is being shown as what's to come and how to spread its wings :)

Days pass in mach speed. Gone are those days of 'sitting around', 'pushing around' etc.

Now its all about how to do many in much less time. Its not a push, but a different way to spend a day, I've to come believe.

Yes, change is constant, embrace it.

Before I go

2007-01-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

Given, that I'm about to step into another dimension, many have been asking me the same question, are u nervous ?

While I've been very busy to not even be able to blog, I was wondering - why should I be nervous?

But since this morning, I've been slowly looking back at several moments of my life. Even though I've been engaged all through the day, this thought has been on the background thread.

Its just been an unbelievable ride. Feels very long and hard journey. God has been very kind, without any doubt.

At regular intervals, I seem to recollect various events in my life and its just fascinates me :)
Turning the page and looking forward, I'm not nervous, but am very excited. This is new and am up for it all.

If life is predictable and if I can't expect and accept any change, its mundane, mechanical and useless.

New people, new setup, new planning, new decisions, new phase of life. With so much ahead, I can't be nervous, I shouldn't be.

Instead I see this as a segway into another dimension of life! With god's grace, I'm looking forward to it all.

As I was thinking about several moments of my life and that I should record it, the composition that came to my mind instantaneously, couldn't have been anything better than Before I go. I love it.

Godspeed

2006-12-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

Days and nights seem to fly by, in warp speed, given that I'm planning and doing so many things. The last three weeks had been crazy.

Relentless hunting for apartments pushed me to turn so many new leaves. Phase 2.0 is much more demanding :).

But last weekend, as I was able to slow down a bit, I looked back. Its amazing, as how my typical day or action has changed.

My 'fanatic packing urge' kicked in and as I was sorting through box by box and item by item, I realized that I can't be taking on the fly decisions as before !

Moving or packing is a good opportunity for me to chuck good amount of junk, or what I suddenly decide as don't want anymore. But now, that thought had to to take the back-seat, as I need to think of not just me.

What "we" would need in the future, what's expected etc.

Its a stretch to cope up with this shift :), but nevertheless, I was thinking that this is the classic requirement of Phase 2.0. I'm sure I'm enjoying it, but part of me was thinking - shouldn't I be giving some rest and show some mercy, to my 'ever planning' brain ?

Every day brings us, new, sweet and pleasant surprises.

And, oh yeah " life is beautiful "

Accountablity

2006-12-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

At least since the last year or earlier may be, I've been wanting to ask 'one question' to President Bush.

This is the problem of following the news very closely and more so, judging things putting myself in the situation.

Ok, I accept the argument, that on day #0 the decision was made to go into Iraq and wage a war, based on the "best available intelligence" ( this phrase has been repeated shamelessly for 10000 times. What's best ? okay let me not even go there... )

We're here, today. Almost every single reason to wage this war, have been proven "absolutely wrong". Death toll of soldiers are in 1000's !

When I take a decision to direct a person to do something, I take "responsibility". It's more, if it involves "someone else's" life. I didn't create him, I don't have the ownership to "wipe it off, from this world".

So I directed someone to do something, in case "to wage this war".

Yes, they're patriotic. Yes, they treat orders as though its from god. Yes, they're ready to and have thrown their life for their country. Absolutely great.

Lets not take the eye off the ball. Attention is on the person who "caused" that "mortality".

'Critical mistakes' were made and "someone else's" life was lost!

Day goes by as normal as the previous one - Politicians are back to their business, they were worried about elections, then re-election's, then different leaks, then different day to day issues. Dawn and dusk happening as clock work.

But, one lingering question remains "who is responsible and mainly where is the accountability" ?

How can those who are responsible, are able to go to bed ?

Ask yourself - what do you tell those parents/spouses/children/brothers/sisters of those who died for this "unjust war" ?

"Yes sir/madam/kiddo - your son/daughter/father/brother/sister died 'for the country', but the reasons for which I told them to go there, were wrong. Take care."

Where are we living ?
Where is the accountability ?
Where is that soul that differentiates humans from other things in this world ?

Is politics, fame, name, prowess, technological superiority, countless bombs, countless bombers stands out to treat an "human life" like a napkin, use it and throw it ?

Who are we ?
What place in this ?

VHS - Seinfeld nostalgia.

2006-11-27T12:15:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of my cleanup exercise, I decided to get rid of Seinfeld VHS tapes. It was very very hard to let go.

While I have started collecting them as DVDs (long over due), these tapes have been with me for a very long time of 6 years!

Looking back, it was a shear accident that I got hooked up to Seinfeld series, while I used to watch Drew Carey Show. One day, having time, I decided to watch the comedy series after Drew Carey Show and ever since, its been the best show I've ever watched in my life.

Not having a VCR, many many days, I used to play my trip back from downtown Seattle, to be on time to not miss Seinfeld :) That was my start of my Seinfeld addiction. Over time, I started to record and the scheduled recording feature was so helpful to plan my time and to not miss episodes.

Many many days, when programs didn't interest me, these VHS tapes have been my savior :)

Addiction just grew more and in all these years and those 13 tapes were almost crying to me to let go. They also helped me to practically remember every single episode, dialogues, fine moments and specialties, to be able to recollect the entire episode, just when it starts !

Now, I don't use VHS anymore and DVDs are so convenient and durable.

Thank you so very much 'VHS tapes', you served me well. Deepest appreciation.

Back in action !

2006-11-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

It was an unbelievable feeling, when I went to our Cricket ground this weekend.

Going after almost 7 months, it was a very long wait. I missed Cricket so much! Having arrived early, as always and seeing the superb ground was very nostalgic.

While I didn't risk bowling, batting and fielding brought back good memories. But, it was more of a zombie feeling to restrict my movement in the ground, compared to how I used to so very active before.

Nevertheless, it was a great weekend to get back to one of my great interest.

"You can do it Shankar", it has brought me up to this weekend. Few more, I should be back, I want to, I've to.

Javed Akhtar

2006-10-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

I was searching for a particular lyrics, without remembering the album. Good world, we've search engines.

Javed Akhtar is an amazing gifted poet of our times with some powerful yet amazing vocabulary. Here is what I remembered and searched...

Mohabbat palkon pe kitne haseen Khwab sajate hai...
Phoolon se mahekte khwab,
Sitaron se mahekte khwab,
Shabnam se baraste khwab,
phir kabhie yun bhi hota hai,
ki palko ki daliyon se
Khwabo ke saare parinde uudh jaate hai...

Here is a nice review of the same.

Phase 2.0

2006-10-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

I'm a software engineer, who dwells in the Internet. I find myself to be in the "Phase 2.0" of my life, like Web 2.0 ;)

This thought ever since, percolates deep with a question by my friend, " how is life now ? ". I replied " its new and its good ".

To classify, I can think of three words - Impact, Planning and Ownership, which defines this stage.

Impact
My actions now has a direct impact on not only me, but beyond me. It gives a _new_ sense of responsibility. Its _good_ as its about time :), kidding, its _good_ because its time to get much more organized and to see things farther enough and not be short-sighted.

Planning
A good plan is to think through the impact ( of my actions ), take calculated risks ( if need be ) and to plan well. Impact shouldn't surprise me and neither I've the option to say 'oops'. This is _new_ and its _good_ as its equally the next phase of my planning skills. Plan well, to execute and exceed well.

Ownership
Life is a sinusoidal wave - so, clear directions are required by all the entities for it to stay on the course. New responsibilities needs clear ownership to plan well, lead, take the impact and come out successful. This type of ownership is _new_ and its _good_ as I see it as an expectation to deliver much more, while having my feet on the ground, but planning to reach the stars.

Needless to say, " life is beautiful ".

Dr. Mohamed ElBaradei

2006-10-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

"I think that is the most important lesson you learn in life, that you have to be ready to make a compromise. You do not compromise your principles, but you have to be ready to compromise. You have to understand that you cannot get your way 100 percent. Life is too complicated. You are not an island, and you work in a social setting, and you need to understand that you work always -- at the family level, at the society level -- to work out the compromise that is perceived to be fair. You don't get 100 percent of what you want, but at least you will get the basic minimum that you require."

"Whatever we do in life, whether privately or publicly, we need to have a compass. We need to be sure that what we do is not only good for us, but good for the people at large. That's ethics. That's morality. I think we need to always know that our work is not just good for us in the short term, but it's morally correct."

"My children grew up in six countries. They were born in Geneva. They went to grammar school in New York. They went to high school in Vienna. They went to college in London. They went to graduate schools in the U.S., and now they are working both in London. So for them, they are absolutely color-blind. They are absolutely religious-blind. They are absolutely ethnic-blind. For them, home is the world. For them, every human being is just one member of that large human family you have."

"People forget the positive aspect of nuclear (energy) because what they see in the media all the time is the negative aspects of nuclear, is the agency role as a watch dog, as it is called. They forget that we still get 16 percent of the world's electricity from nuclear energy. They forget that we need nuclear energy, at least for the next 50 years, because we only have nuclear energy and fossil fuel: gas and coal. And gas and coal have their own problems -- climate change -- and nuclear, of course, has the risk of a severe accident. But we need both. We need to weigh the costs and benefits. We need to understand the benefits outweigh the cost."

"I went to Nigeria recently, and I compare that with the U.S. In the U.S., every American has 16,000 kilowatt hours of electricity per year. That is enough, obviously, to empower your refrigerators, your air-conditioning, your iPods, everything you need. In Nigeria, they have 70 kilowatt hours per year. That translates into an 8-watt light bulb."

"We cannot erect walls between the north and the south, between the rich and the poor. We need to make sure that we have an equitable world, where every human being has the right to live a decent life, the right to live a life free from fear, the right to be able to send his kids to have education, the right to have Social Security in their old age. If you do that, I think the insecurities we feel -- the extremists that we are seeing -- will drop absolutely dramatically."

"We need to understand that, before deciding to go to war, that we have exhausted every other possibility of reaching our differences through peaceful means."

"I think I have come to realize that it's not really poverty that drives people bananas. It's really a sense of injustice. There's a lot of poor people around the world, but when you repress the right of people to speak, when people fear that they are not being justly treated -- and you see a lot of that in the Middle East, you see a lot of that in the Muslim world -- I think people are getting it both ways. They are getting it from their government when they feel that they are repressed by their government -- they are not allowed to have the right to live in freedom and dignity -- and they are getting it from the outside world when they feel that the outside world is not fairly treating them. They wake up in the morning, and they see people dying in Iraq and Afghanistan, in the Palestinian territories. The sense of injustice, the sense of humiliation is very much there."

Dr. Mohamed ElBaradei / Interview

Bangalore

2006-10-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

After all the trips back and forth were over, I was to travel to Bangalore, the silicon valley of India. It was my 3rd trip, but I have vague memories of my last 2 trips, decade back.

Either way, it was special on several fronts. To start with I was going to meet a person, with whom I've been chatting for a long time. All the but the face was missing in that image developed, with suspense around. Next, I was going to going to stay at my best friends place. It was a long pending invitation and wish.

En-route, I took train from Chennai to Bangalore, after a very long time. It nostalgic. While I've spent years of man-hours in Indian Railways, it was very different to take a 6 hour trip. Walking thro' the crowd in the even-buzzing Central Station brought back all the memories of different trips and mainly running and catching the train. I thought, Central Station for one is one of those places, which is part of almost everybody's( in Chennai at least ) life, but less thought about. Given that, it has seen me from my childhood to till date, was an amazing feeling.

Knocking the door of my friend, early of next morning and opening was my friends long wish - fulfilled :) Weather was wonderful, compared to Chennai and even Delhi. Being in a friends place, where we all got almost nothing to do and to push the day slowly, was a completely different feeling. More so, for my parents.

We all were pampered by the wonderful hospitality of AsHa and I was trying to grapple from where I have to come to what ! As the mysterious feeling of 'something to happen', was sinking in, rest of the plan was going on.

Went to few places around. Did lot of shopping and as the events unfolded - I found my significant other!

The feeling was almost like an action movie, where in the character is being thrown or made run at mach speed, comes to a total stop with a whooshing sound and is looking back to see its all moving without any gravitational force.

Subsequent meetings and conversations were all sinking in me slowly but steadily while reminding me that there has been a change in my life and that's what is in front of me. Tuk, tuk, tuk - wake up, wake up.

When I realized that I have to return back to Chennai, I still wasn't in-sync with my surroundings, was lagging behind. While I was part of several other meetings and conversations and even while travelling back to Chennai, one lingering thought was about this part of me being in a new place, with a different feeling all together. There is no better way to describe it, as I still can't, now.

Then as now, I started to wonder about the phrase "Life is beautiful".

New Delhi

2006-10-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

Trip to Delhi was exciting. So much had to be planned, ahead of time for my stay and travel. Given that it was my first trip to the capital. All, for few hours of, but important - visit to the US Embassy for my VISA.

Surprisingly, flight to Delhi thro' Indian Airlines was punctual. Reached late in the night. First thing that caught my attention was the lack of dust and smog in the roads around the Airport. Flying from Chennai, it looked almost like Chennai with out dust.

Delhi in my opinion is coming along really well with the CNG conversion.

Equally interesting was to find someone selling tender coconuts in the middle of the night. All my years, I've had tender coconut during the peak summer. Strange choice, that too in the middle of an highway.

In the morning, I took a long walk around Karol Bagh. So many cramped shops, mostly closed as it early 11AM by their standards. Some areas were too shady that I decided to cut short my zeal to check out the locality.

Talking in Hindi, after a very long time, was quiet an experience. While I was able to understand things really fast, communicating back had a 2-3 second lag. Faster processing of the grammar took the time, but it was nice to realize that I did talk grammatically correct, that too with ease :)

Just when I thought I had a nice trip and that I'd be flying back, the infamous Indian punctuality struck and struck hard. With 3 hours to spare, I thought I was early to the airport and thinking about how to kill time. But only after I came to the counter and checked in, I was told that my flight has been delayed by 90 minutes. Thank you very much.

I as other passengers promptly finished the rest of the travelling procedures. Flight scheduled for 10PM local time, had no announcements or arrangements, even after 10PM !!! While my blood was boiling, I could clearly sense the frustration and panic in so many others.

Finally the disgraceful staff of Go Air came along and lied flat to the face. In an hurry, they dumped all the passengers onto the plane, but only after me and others screaming for their delay. On the way I was wondering, about their customer service and in general 'the lack of time sense' among Indians.

In this aspect, I'm really ashamed of being an Indian. Indians have heard this so much that they now advocate it ! This is possible only in India. It has been repeated and followed so much, that the rough skin is refusing to get the reality in. Sickening it is. What we've failed to realize is we don't have the right to steal others' time. Wake up India, don't gloat in your history and rest on your wrong principle's, fix your basics.

After all said and done, reached home in wee hours and I was trying to erase the last 8 hours of my airport-experience and think good about others. But it was hard. Reality struck!

Chennai

2006-10-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

Every time I go to Chennai, I'm just amazed at the changes. It seems to a fast world.

People shop a lot, spend money a lot as they're able to afford and cars have become so common like bicycle of the 80's and 90's

2 things struck the most - Driving habits in India and Cell-phone usage.

What is with people, who just don't get driving ?! Lanes have a purpose, signals too for sure. Its has become an habit to drive in the middle of a lane. Idea being that they'd want a clear view of the traffic ahead, as they expect others to stick to the lane. It surely is an habit, as even when there was no traffic, they drive in the middle of the lane. This is madness.

Next most disgusting attitude is the honks. Its an itching hand that tends to hold the horn, instead of the wheel and drive. An horn can't move a car or vanish the traffic. Understand that idiot !

Traffic is clear, a driver drives fast, but he equally honks more, as in the back of his fickle mind, he is only concerned about somebody popping in from somewhere and not focus on his control. Please save the city. Noise-pollution is serious!

I was even advised to honk as I drove a 2-wheeler, just to be safe!

India in most of the places have come a long way from Red, Green, Yellow signal to even indicate as how much of time it'd take to turn to each of these. Its time-ticker. Its really good to have it, when you driving toward a signal.

But what's depressing is the worst habit to even run over that. People are accelerating right when its 5..4..3.. - come on people. Don't abuse the system!

Cell-phones are embedded in an Indian's life. Whether it be for sending and receiving SMS on cricket-scores or utility-bills or listening to the FM-radio. But what people have forgotten or unaware, is the fact that there is a 'vibrate' option.

Wherever I went, I saw the boards explicitly warning about turning the cell-phone off. Temples in particular. Shouldn't it be a conscious feeling that we got to preserve the environment, while we advance much on the communication side.

Think Indians - you don't have the right to disturb others!

One common yet disturbing attitude is the 'dodging' attitude - oh they do it, how does it matter if I do it too. That's really bad. Somebody got to stop and look back and say no.

Just because 1000 other do something, it doesn't make it right - realize that. Think and lead your life.

Out of the box comes...

2006-10-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

I finally have time now to write something. What a run its been ?! So many events and so many things to write :)

Looking back, I'm just amazed as how slow it was before and all of a sudden things pickup and even before I know, I was running in mach speed. Nevertheless, its been great.

Great to be back.

Shanthi... Shanthi... Shanthi

2006-09-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

Its in my memory, just as yesterday - 5 years have passed to this day September the 11th, the new doctrine of terrorism, live in front of my eyes.

The frantic call from my friend ( who thought America was being bombed ), made me run to the TV to tune in, just to see the 2nd tower struck _live_.

My spine stiffens even today, to recall - seeing those images of tiny objects falling from the tower and to realize that it was "human beings" trying to escape the inevitability forced upon them. Few have said, since then that the _world has changed_ but I wonder how?

Two wars have been fought since then, one unjust and for _personal vendetta_ and the other yielding nothing. New laws since then, drive us all insane.

Those in power, continue to fill up the space in news media and elsewhere and keep twisting and turning their own statements. They flat out lie to our faces and justify almost everything they did.

The last 3 years I keep asking myself one question - where do they have their soul ? May be I'm looking for an answer for a wrong question.

But to all those who perished, may your soul rest in piece, shanthi... shanthi...shanthi

Introspection

2006-09-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

1999, Sep 7th - Logan airport, Boston was beautiful, but little thought I had then, to really marvel its beauty. I was completely occupied or even over-whelmed by the _unknown_ before me, as I walked down the airport.

Tired of not having proper food in two days, almost everything around me seemed new to me. Mind for sure was grappling the new environment. While the next few days were very very tough, nevertheless mind was implicitly getting rugged to face and to understand the system.

Looking back, my life has changed so much. That's expected, I guess. But its almost as if the last 7 years has nullified what ever I experienced before - don't know why!

Volatility

2006-08-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

What do you do, when you feel the ground underneath moves fast, without your control and you wonder as what to hold on to and what's stable and that would save you ?!

For the past few hours I'm trying to come out of the devastating news I heard about my colleague, who lost her job today.

All business reasons apart, I see her as a person, a friend and that who was working with me, till today.

This morning she came back from her 3-week vacation. She had brought a gift for me and we were talking and joking about the things that happened, in the last 3 weeks. Then came the news! I couldn't believe it.

Putting myself in that situation, I don't think I'd be able to react the way she did. While she was agitating inside, it was very much visible that she is trying to cope with the sudden abhorrence around. Its very sad.

I wonder sometimes, have we as mankind come so far that our day-to-day requirements are so much and the rules we set to achieve them are so harsh that a slight slip never misses to get punished ?!

Equally, how can one give a bad news as this to one's face ?! I can't. I really can't. Its some body's career, some body's life, redefined, restructured !!!!

God, help her.

Hawk's feather clipped !

2006-08-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

You know, one could repeat the lie again and again, 1000's of times, but those who think, all those listeners are idiots, are infact proved to be idiot.

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor rocks!

"It was never the intent of the framers to give the president such unfettered control, particularly where his actions blatantly disregard the parameters clearly enumerated in the Bill of Rights," she wrote. " . . . There are no hereditary Kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution. So all 'inherent powers' must derive from that Constitution."

Link to this landmark judgement.

Grieving within

2006-08-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long hard weekend, to say the least. While I was occupied completely with work, I now do know whether the choices I maded to squeeze into watch two movies, was right or not.

After spending long hours at work, I decided to have a life for myself. I decided to watch World Trade Center from Oliver Stone. I've always felt that Stone deals very tuff subjects very well e.g. JFK, Wall Street, Nixon, Alexander among the many.

The movie is based on true story of 2 fire-fighters who while trying to rescue, get trapped under the rubble of WTC, after its collapse on September 11th, 2001.

May be it was a wrong choice to see such an heavy subject on such a tiring day. While I did know its going to be hard, the inexplicable tragedy always makes me think and stops me to not let myself away from it. Seeing the 2nd tower's crash, destruction and people jumping out of windows as paper flying in a wind - live on TV, as it happened is still in my memory as yesterday.

Suprisingly the movie wasn't full, as I had expected. Ten minutes into the movie, I was on the day, when it happened, while trying to follow the movie, I was recalling as how that day start of, for me, as events unfolded.

My friends phone-call woke me up, with the words that "we are at war, America is being attack, turn on the TV". The movie dealt the fear and the heorism of those fire-fighter's who while completely over-whelmed by what they were seeing in front of the eyes, decides to go to rescue, while not competely know the cause. It also highlights as how this nation was ( and still many believe is ) so inferior when it comes to emergency communication systems, in case of a crisis. Equally it deplores as how wrong information was passed on the grieving families about their loved ones' well being.

To think as a fire-fighter who sees people falling out of the tower as flies and to step-up to rescue the survivors, I just am unable to live that imagination. The movie shows a fraction of collapse of the towers as it deals as what happened inside the rubble. With tons and tons of concrete on top the trapper 3 surviving fire-fighters support each other and are hopeful that they're going to come out alive !

From that point on, the movie deals heavily with their thoughts, not knowing whether they can really bare the pain or not, while fire and more rubble threaten their life. With just their head-out and not even be able to turn it, they talk and support each other, while the building is falling down.

Their conversation of their loved ones and events in their lives as how they're unable to be part of it, just melts you. The immensense pain and suffering of the men and also their families and the fleeing survivors are just too much to handle, while its all the fact.

I came out with a very heavy heart, with so many thoughts about that day, where we've come today and how the world has changed and so polarized since then, terrorism, my believes, sympathies, terrorists, their view of their enemy, their lack of respect for their lives, their 'cause' of this innate war. While I try to stay out of this thought, I know that inside me, it bothers me a lot. Again and aglain and again, I put myself in those fighter's position, in those jumping out of the windows' position, in those grieving families position. Its just not being easy.

I'm left with one question, what drives human being to cause so much of pain to each other. Aren't we mature enough to realize that while life is a privilege that we were bestowed upon, we should try not to snatch it from others, with the reasons of greed and lust ?!

To all those lost ltheir ives on September 11th, 2001, recently in the series of Bombay blast's and those in the ever changing but equally ravaging world, may your soul rest in piece.

Guilty by association.

2006-08-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend, who found a good deal to buy an used car. The car was 1/3rd the price, but turned out to be a scam. Interesting inference was the reason given by the seller that he is selling, as he is leaving to Iraq on a 5-year assignment. His further mails were very suspicious.

After few hours it dawned on me tell her to not buy the car, even if he turns out to be clean!

I think, if he really is who he says he is, I'm sure he should've had a opportunity to not sign-up to this unjust war. He could've his own reasoning about his participation, but by helping him, I feel that my friend in some way is underscoring his action.

I persuaded my friend to take actions at several levels

Say no to him
Report the ad as scam
Write to DMV about this in detail, as he has disclosed VIN details along with photos

She did agree and the rest of the stuff is going thro'.

But, come to think of it, I don't think I'm not guilty either! I may have the complete opposite thinking to this government, I may be a non-immigration here on a temporary stay, I may shout and shout and persuade the events around me, but I pay tax $ which thro' all its routes, supports or is used for what the government's policies are !!!!!!

I feel the heaviness in light of this situation. It makes me feel very sick, cha...

Minimalist

2006-08-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

Just like that, I thought I don't want my superb desktop. After several discussions, my friend agreed to buy it. Yesterday it all got finalized and I decided to clean it up. Cleaning was much more easy then setting it up. Hours and hours of work put in, was being removed in seconds... Aware of the nightmare ahead of me, to pack this to ship to my friend, I started early.

Once the system was ready to shut down, after cleanup, it took few seconds for me to really get to the point that I'm really getting rid of this machine. It was tuff :( Then started the mega dis-mantling exercise.

Roll forward 3 hours!!!!!!!!! it was packed and good to carry, ooffffffffffffffff. It was so taxing :(

But after setting up my old table along with my laptop, it felt as if I got a new-clean-room to myself :) Life is simple, yet cool now :)

I'm part of the cult!

2006-07-31T20:58:00.000-07:00

What's the fascination about apple ? I've asked that question myself and those apple product owners.

Is it the cool look or the impeccable quality or is it just the hip factor, that one has to own as everyone else?

Well, what ever it is, I've found them expensive to not invest in any of their products, but to just stand out with envy. But the wait was over today. I'm part of the cult now!

Thanks to SideStep, I own this amazing gizmo. Its just divine ! I feel like hearing sounds that I've not heard before, the songs I've heard for decades in all sophisticated sound systems and head-phones. Great job Apple. And, while we're on the subject, this speech from Steve Jobs is definetly a 'must not miss' !

When the morons sing " we will, we will, rock you! "

2006-07-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

Premise: Country : India, Time : 4th week of July. Citizens wake up to find that they're unable to blog!

They scramble to find reasons, only to find none. Days go by, sporadic access to blogs, some find ways to beat the system/crappy policy, getting help from even the country's rival !.

Then comes the kicker, DoT, India terms is 'technological error'.

In an effort to stave off potential sectarian violence, the official said, the government's Department of telecommunications instructed Internet service providers to block access to the two pages. "Because of a technological error, the Internet providers went beyond what was expected of them, which in turn resulted in the unfortunate blocking of all blogs," the official explained.

Technological error to cut off the access to set of domain's! Are you kidding me ?

bloody accept the fact that you're technically challenged. Fact is you just don't get the tech. This is pathetic and clear infringement of fundamental rights of the constitution of India.

Also on Tuesday, a technician at a Bangalore-based service center of one Internet provider said the government had ordered blogspot.com to be blocked "due to security reasons." A service provider in New Delhi said the government, without explanation, had directed his company to block access to fewer than a dozen sites; he could offer no details on the nature of those sites. The secretary for telecommunications, D. S. Mathur, hung up the phone when reached at home.

Dude you called up the wrong guy. He has no clue to use the fone, leave alone to expect some courtesy out of him!

AdSense !

2006-07-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

ooooohh hhhhhhhhhooooooooo! I got approved for adSense after repeated attempts. This time it was fassssst! I can hear the kutching sound :)... keep clicking ;)

United we stand

2006-07-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Two recent events in India have really disturbed me a lot - The Mumbai blasts on 11th July and blockade of blog-sites ( will write about this later ).

Mumbai is one of most busiest cities in the world and equally dense. The synchronous bombing is just a cowardliness the most despicable act.

I was really surprised at the frankness in Pakistan's president Musharaff's speech.

"The people and the Government of Pakistan and I are with you"

"To say that the peace and dialogue process should be postponed, or stopped because of the Mumbai attacks is to hand a victory to the terrorists. This is exactly what [the terrorists] want, that the peace process and the normalization process be stopped."

"If you give us proof, evidence, we will fully co-operate with you in the investigations. We are fully with you in tracking down whoever carried out this attack and caused so much damage to you"

Very powerful words. If he is being honest, I really salute the man. These words from an unlikely source should be appreciated.

At the same time, from any Indian citizen's stand-point, its really hard to see the truth and sympathy behind these words, due to the decades of conflicting Pakistan. How can one trust ?

Back to Mumbai blasts, 2 sub-events spiraled the thought process in me,as they really struck home.

1. My best friend was going to travel to their neighboring state and was concerned about traveling in a train, as they all happened in a train. They did travel and with a strong and firm decision to do so.
2. We had a mishap in our family and my dad wasn't able to attend his sibling's final rituals' as there wasn't a way to reach them. Train services were badly hit.

I now realize that there are times, things doesn't come and hit you, until they happen really close to you. It was and still is very hard for me to understand this. Again and again I ask myself, what did my friend do, what did my family do ?

My friend was been forced to think over her plans, because "somebody" thought it'd be better to kill innocent people ?!

How can anyone console my father, when his own sibling's funeral, was practically isolated, with her siblings unable to reach her ? What did they all do ?

What did all those people, who were going to work, kids going to school, people doing their own business do ?

As a terrorist you don't have the right to control other lives, others decisions, when you don't have control of yous, due to your actions and idelogies.

Violence is NOT a solution never will be, doesn't matter at any level. If you can't even show up your face, voice your opinion in an open forum, stand up for your rights and fight for it, thro' "human" means, you don't deserve to call yourself an human being, a freedom-fighter, a liberator. You don't deserve to even fight what you're fighting for!

Its an irony that India is a country which got its independence thro' non-violence.
Gandhi never advocated to blow up British establishments and system to attain freedom.

Believe me, if he were to order that, in the wildest of anyone's imagination, the entire nation would've signed up for that and could've toasted the British possibly 100's of times.

But he was the man, who believed not only in non-violence, but also that there is "always" a solution by working in a frame-work, which involves conversations, debates, negotiations, systematic processes et al. But none of those, in any form or manner, supported violence.

To all those ruthless killers : think in your heart. What have you achieved by inflicting fear ? You loath yourself having succeeded in your so called 'operation', but look back and you will see that this nation shall stand united, much more than before. You can blow up all of our establishments and kill many more, but the life you live in today looking over your shoulder always is what you should be feel bad about. While we stand proud that we stand for each other and we stand up against people like you, more during these kind of heinous acts.

You've attained nothing but even more hatred at the very plight you think you're fighting for. Above all the irreparable bereavement and deepest wounds, India stands up again and absolute in its resolve.

Over time, you shall run away from the legal system, stay away in shadows and hide in caves and plan more and more attacks. It just makes you even more sick and how shady you life is and in no way, would give you what you dream about, getting by murdering innocence lives. Equally, you could think that you've dodged the bullet, but remember, in god's books, the checks-n-balances "always" happens and you'll be held accountable. Its that burden you carry to yourself, until then. We have no feeling what so ever except we just pity you and your state of life.

These events has made us much more stronger in not only holding ourselves together, but be much more united to say "bring it on" !

Change of guard

2006-07-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

After some long thought, I've decided finally do it. For a long time, I wanted to write about few things that deeply affected or still affect me. Had been pulling back, thinking to myself, its my view and what's the point and with other useless thoughts. But I think now that its time to change the direction of my ideas/writings.

I'd pour out on anything and everything that happens around me or that affects me. It could be strong, explicit and I could name names. But deep inside, I think I could show my point. I shall try.

Litmus test

2006-06-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

Imagine a day, when you wake up and you realize that you don't have electricity in the whole world ! What would you do ? Your digital life would not even crawl, but would down on its knees.

That's the way I'm starting to feel now :( Internet less life !

Thanks to AT&T( old mafia name SBC ) 's amazing customer-service and infrastructure.

I had to cancel the service which was in my room-mates names and get a new one. Alright, after about 5 or 6 calls, I was told that I've to cancel the existing one to get a new one. Fine, cancellation can happen in 3 days time, but activation might take longer.

So we decided to cancel, by giving us some time. Today morning it was cut-off. It was prompt though as today was the day we had opted. But to get a new one, we can't do it, until the 'number is off the system' ( words from AT&T ). Then we've to take an appointment to get the new service ( phone and DSL ). Best part : that's a week away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Restrictions

You can't order a new service while one is active
You can't overlap the service
Removal takes time and so does new service
Technician need to come to the apt/unit for the new service(!!) and take appointment for that

What in god's name is this ? Where am I ?

On the flip side, I really feel that I'm handicapped now :( My digital life has a very thin layer with my real life and often they overlap...

More to come ( crib )...

Listen to your body

2006-05-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

Our body and mind are just amazing !

A near fatal injury has just made me think as how much of stress I had put on my body and understand its response or probably its retaliation.

The fall
It was a paradoxical event. I'm not sure whether my unbearable zeal towards sports had increased the elasticity of my muscles or whether it was the same zeal, which pushed me this level, that my body just gave up.

Nevertheless, the initial and inexplicable fear, walking around with support, recollecting those sequence of events( down, up again, down and up again ) has been quiet a thrill.

The rise
Now that I know the mechanics behind my body's reaction, from the doctors, muscles just fascinates me. Bottom line was a simple but strong message from the body " listen to me you idiot ".

Turn the page

2006-04-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

Today, 2 news events struck me the most

#1 Its about my god Sachin Tendulkar. Today is his birth day!

In the recent times he has had lot of physical injuries and as result, hasn't been in good form, on the ground. Off the ground, he has spent most time traveling to UK for treament (surgery, routine check-up's etc. ).

Equally, off the field, many morons have been off the mark, on his recent performance and mainly to take him out of the team.

International cricket today is no joke. Un-imaginable pressure, seemingly un-attainable targets, the bar is set so high is always crossed to push it even more higher. Result : takes a toll on the players. This is applicable for any cricketer 'who takes the game seriously'.

Tendulkar doesn't belong to that crowd. This is the guy, till today, on many occasions, doesn't sleep the night before a crucial match! One could argue that as immaturity. Its not. Its his highest and singular thinking to carry the 'burden' on his shoulder.

Yes, he carries it as 'burden', as to him, its his country vs. the opponent. Every inning of his bat, every story behind his statistics tells a book full of 'facts' about his performance. This is a short summary of the great man.

Yet, in the last match he played, when he got out, he got booed. This dispicable act has, as Wasim Akram the great bowler mentioned should have an impact on this man.

Think about it. Every game has only 2 possibilities, victory or loss. Every human has physical limitations. Every human being in this world has a sinusoidal wave of good and bad times. He is an human too !

What these numb-skulls have forgotten is that the same man, single handedly carried the country to some un-believable victories.

What's also forgotten is those days, when he took it upon himself to not walk back to the dressing room, with the rest of the 10, but instead proved that one man can indeed make a difference.

What's forgotten is even when his captain was involved in betting and signing off matches to the opponents, and not scoring more than 20 runs, this guy stood the ground and face the opponents and win on top of it.

What's forgotten is, even today, in any game, until he is out, the opponents holded their heart in their hand as they know that he is the face of this team/country and unless and until he is not in the crease, the game is far over from the Indian side. That's the threat he poses to any one facing his nation.

Having established himself, upto this... just because you paid few hundreds of rupees for the ticket and he has a bad day and you boo him out.

He is not a juke box to play your favorite song, when you put a quarter.

Where're you souls people ? I feel ashamed to be an Indian today for this, for another having committed this despicable act.

These worms see only the entertainment value, not the value/courage/skill/impeccable dedication and patriotism in him.

Its the expectation embedded in the gene that in the hours of entertainment, whether it be movie or cricket, one would want to see only sweet ending or successful outcome. Only those are 'allowed'. Loss is a disgrace.

Organs such as these, which is not able to apply commone sense and see the dedication, shouldn't be called as heart !

Its a disgrace to all those who are not able to see the man behind this all. If one would think of putting anyone else in the world in his position, with the pressure, would hang themselves. He being still focused alone deserves such a credit, while we exclaim that.

Wake up you zombies : Remember, even when a lion rests, its a Lion !

#2 Sun Microsystems Inc', Scott McNealy stepped down today as CEO.

Of all the time I gazed as Sun servers, in the early part of my career, it was a dream come true to work for the company. The 3.5 years I spent at Sun, admist all chaos, was with a divine feeling. The holding force on me, as many other employees was the CEO Scott McNealy.

Thro' his regular radio-cast, employees were able to hear the man out and outside of unbeatable wits, he sounded very straight-forward and above all, 'honest'.

This developed a strong bond in me, toward him. Not only I was being taught, as how best one should communicate to the employees, but how to keep them focused, even when the company was doing bad financially.

Personally, I felt the employee morale was high, just because of him. He led the company really well in a very difficult situation. Its well know that it was only him, who stood as a buffer between the board (which wanted to wipe off the work force) and the work force.

He led the company, thro' the most difficult times. Surviving, fighting and winning to fight another day against bullies like Microsoft is no joke. IBM was a different competitor all together.

He not only stood the ground, but also proved his critiques wrong, every single time. I felt proud to work for him, than even the company !

IT market went down. Sun may have done some strategic mistakes ( whether it be on Java or Solaris or Sun hardware ), but if you were look thro Sun's eyes I do think they did a phenomenal job, in the miniscule of space they had to fight but against the 'shenanigans' as Scott called Microsoft and few others. once.

While I didn't get a chance to meet the man personally, I remember it as yesterday the times I drafted mails to send to him, thanking him sometimes, suggesting him on few etc., but never sent them :)

But nevertheless, I do feel very proud to have gotten a chance to work for a great leader, who cared atmost for his employees, even thro' the difficult times.

Thank you sir for giving me a chance to work for you. Its an honor and my pleasure, to be part of your great company, in my career.

While he is stepping away to a not so new leader, I'm sure, this is not the last we've heard from Scott. Good luck Scott !

Change

2006-04-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

Things have changed dramatically in the last couple of days. I landed on a new job!

Since then, I had been having the dilemma of what to write and what to keep it with in myself, but my mind had been just so restless, waiting to explode. Equally, not helping was those close to me, being very busy and as a result, unavailable. I've tons to talk to them, about almost everything. Well, that's a down thought, let me talk about something else.

Life as I saw, last Friday, April the 14th, has changed completely. I feel old, I feel the tired now, more than before and to a greater part, I don't want to look back. Neither do I prefer to go thro' what I went thro' already. For that sense, nobody should.

In this chaotic time, 2 things struck among many others...
One was as how my mind went just blank, on Friday. It just was filled with void. Mind was restless and was stuck in the past. New faces, new names, new environment, new setup, new direction... all were sensed, but didn't create an imprint. It could be sinking in, in the future, I hope. Why ??

Second was today. Had been to my old-colleague/friend's place. Not so long ago, I was in the same place, but on a completely different situation. I was uncontrollably emotional, so much of FUD around me, he and my other friend were equally stuck, as what to tell me.

Today was a casual visit, but apart from it, nothing was casual at all. Past was just being played in front of my eyes, while it was watching TV. Sometimes, I feel too much of memory about things around you, from the past and the part of the brain that 'connects the dots' doesn't help, but instead causes lot of worries and confusion.

As I went into my friends room to pick up his badminton racket, I felt I was punched in my face. Several months back, I was there, in the same room, exactly in the same place, talking to my mom and practically confining myself in need of space and to bawl out.

Life has changed, but it all seemed just as yesterday. The wound is so fresh, while the time has swished away.

Today, when I look back, its a miracle that given the state I was, now I'm in a position to think about that time, write about it and equally look forward.

Very strong and extreme decisions were taken. Walked out on so many of the routines, confined myself for the longest I have known from myself and many others. Time could prove me correct or wrong, but I do think that this patient, needed that bitter medicine.

But, I've not forgotten the very few things that did happen and that did have a profound impact on me. Yes, this one was done by not me, but very few others.

While I'd not like to name names and go around talking about it ( as its private and precious ), I did justice in being open about it, to the concerned people. Their time and the light they brought into my life ( I'm sure they'd not have realized that and neither they'd agree to that today but ), is something that I'll always have, the deepest of appreciation, gratitude and regard. I do believe in messengers sent by god, now more than ever. I sincerely pray to god for them, to bring in everything that could be brought in this world, for as what they did and how they did it, is not something normal.

I'd like to stop here on that note. Its no somber note, but rather a living testimony and tribute to those who stood by the side of me, not only holding me, but also keeping me alive and to take me to a new direction, for that I'm seeing today, as I write it now.

God bless.

Identity Crisis

2006-04-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Given the recent enforcement upon me to get to know few aspects of Neuro PhyscologyI looked back and realized that I'm having an identity crisis ! Yes, that's true, crisis of my real identity.

It dawned on when A said that there is a disconnect between me and my surroundings, as it depended on how I reacted in the past.

What I'm today is not who I was or whom I've been. But times have changed, I've changed or forced to change, by time. It has consequences.

A was absolutely right, while some part of me resisted the reality, it is what it is. Reason for the resistance was "what I'm today is not who I was". Eric Erickson says the onset of the identity crisis is in the teenage years, and only individuals who succeed in resolving the crisis will be ready to face future challenges in life. But the identity crisis may well be recurring, as the changing world demands us to constantly redefine ourselves. People experience an identity crisis when they lose "a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity".

Loosing "personal samness and historical continuity", wow great words. That's right. When time and event's in my life forces changes, they're aren't easy and there is a clear disconnect between the present and the past. My mind revolts. Fear of loosing the 'sameness' prevails, while failing to connect back.

While, what lead to this is what I should be focused on now, to resolve, I realized its a catch-22. I can't resolve when I don't have a 'historical continuity', but I need to handle or handle better, the same disconnect, in order for me to stay focused.

I now think, this is life. You get dinged on your sides when you roll, but you got to keep moving.

Momentary stops and healing those wounds out of dings are the forces acting, to stop you from moving. Very interesting dilemma.

Nostalgia

2006-03-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

Was talking to A and it just swung me out of control to look back.

This ides of march marked almost 7 years, away from the place, where A was talking to me from - Chennai. Given the fact that A was right where I grew up and in the course of our conversation, we touched upon several places, interests and activities, that were part of my life, not so long ago.

To start, walking on the Ranganathan Street on any day, will push your time to several hours. It'd be jam packed, walking shoulder to shoulder dodging incoming humans and getting thro this street( approximately 0.75KM ) is quiet an exercise. But one would feel that you can get what ever you want, just by crossing this street - anything from Groceries to jewelry. While the main line of business is selling vegetables, it is strategically located to lead to other main places in T Nagar.

Thyagaraya Nagar or T Nagar as it's called is the almost the center of the City of Chennai, formerly Madras. Its the happening place. The shopping hub of the city. I know families, which come to the city from other states, just for one reason to shop at T Nagar for any of their auspicious events. Tons and tons of shop on almost anything - jewelry, Apparels, Snacks, Audio/Video/Electronic galleries.

Walking or shopping at Ranganthan Street and T Nagar, during festival season is an experience, that hadn't been surpassed, till today.

Last but not the least, the place that I've always loved - infamous Marina Beach. The long shore and the walk that leads us to the waters is so green in my memory. I've been to this beach at different times of a day and also once during a cyclonic storm. If you spend about an hour all by yourself and without any disturbance, I can't describe in words, the refreshing feeling you'd get. Needless to say, the beach comes alive during evenings and weekends. 100's of small shops, particularly those that sell chaat and other forms of snacks are particularly very popular. Driving along the beach passing some of the old buildings in Chennai is equally great. Having see so many other beaches, so far I've not come across one that's so lively and beautiful as Marina Beach.

These three places in particular among many others, have been part of my life, not just as a road or a place to see and also that I've been there 1000's of times, but its one of those places, which comes to your mind, when you think from where you came from. I miss being to these places so much.

Coming back, I started wondering what's the point of being here, in the state I'm now, right now. Its no surprise that with this thought, all the reasons as why I'm here and doing what I'm doing, all started to have a have their own dull color. Its also once of those situations, where one wonders as what's point of missing or 'loosing' so many things, when you could be part of. I do have an overwhelming feeling of having 'lost' so many things, now and more than ever. Family, friends, 'comfortable' places, lively moments et al. are right over there...

Times have changed, 7 years have passed, my life has had innumerable changes, but the sense of being lost and wandering in search of something that's unknown, makes me think that may be - may be, somewhere, sometime, somehow things could've been different, if it was done differently, long back.

As I wrote before, the other side is always green and life would look even more beautiful, when looked back. But I strongly believe that everything has a price to pay and sometimes, no matter what, the costs of loosing something so much can't compensate to what's gained and infact raises the question "did I gain anything at all".

Second-guess

2006-03-10T13:38:00.000-08:00

Its been a very rough week... 2 events just threw out what I had written before.

The preamble would be, what happened way back in the year 2000. It was the time, I had number of job-offers and was going thro' non-stop interviews. R was one such company, which had called in for an interview at 7PM on a weekday. Even at that phone invitation, the person sounded a bit cold, more like 'take it or leave it'. I was puzzled, but wanted to give my best shot.

I was new to the area and I got lost. I did update him that I'm running late and infact had to take directions from him at one point. Finally, I sit in front of him and after the customariness and apologies for getting lost and arriving late, he shot back!

He said, he had received 2 resumes of mine, one from my current employer( consulting firm ) and other directly from me. It was one of those situations, where we both had applied to the same position, at the same time. He put both of the in front of them in the table and looked at me like an insect.

I understood the situation and tried to put it straight that, I'm trying to be on my own. But it was late, he had already second-guessed me and firing at me, from all cylinders. He didn't even allow me to explain myself. He just was straight out angry.

I could get very little out of him, but it was clear that he had assumed something that he didn't want to tell me, but was on the process of ruling me out, to my face.

I had two choices, either walk out, shouting back at him that its not a crime that I committed by searching and finding a job on my own or the 2nd choice being, still attempt to give my best shot as I didn't want to ruin my chances, by being impatient.

I was down thro' the 2nd choice, but little room was there and the conversation ended cold and abrupt where in I surely knew the outcome.

As a fascinating turn of events, just with in an year, dot-com burst took them to the ground and they were out of the scene! I was elsewhere, but while I was wondering what could've happened to me, if I had gotten that job, I was thinking of what happened on that dark, cold night and mainly - how a person could decide with out getting the facts and without giving me a chance to tell, what I was doing.

Roll forward to 2006 -
To start, this week I had spent hours on phone-calls, in pursuit of a job, but ran into some awkward situations :( I was struck with what happened in 2000, during those 2 situations.

I was talking to some random placement firm. The recruiter told me about a position. It was great, we agreed on rest of the terms as well. Worked on presenting myself well and it all came out as a charm and I was presented.

Next day, I get a call from the same person in a very sad tone that a SPAM has taken place. SPAM in this context I was told of a different meaning.

One's resume can be picked up from somewhere and without his/her knowledge can be presented to a company and if the company is interested, then the consulting firm would talk to the candidate about it.

This was completely new. I felt cold to realize what has happened. This recuitter had been working and hopeful that I'd get it and if so, it'd be his earning. But when he presented the case, my resume was already thro' somebody that we both don't know[ understandably the company can't disclose all those involved ]. His food was snatched, in front of his eyes.

Now, not only my candidacy was vulnerable, but I was directly in conversation with a person, whom I fear is second-guessing me, that I played some trick here.

Not only I don't know who that John Doe is, but what assurances can I give to this recruiter that I didn't share his findings with anyone else. After about 20 minutes of assurance that if I do hear from the company, I'd try to get him in and that I'd like to do this very professionaly and honestly - atleast in his words he sounded somewhat better. But the damage was done. He lost an account, he was sad ! Neither did I hear back from the company !

Just when I was reeling thro' this unfortunate turn of events, I realized that I was part of the 2nd one for the day, already. This was up close and personal.

Feeling enormously down in realizing what happened to my best friend, I wasn't able to talk properly or actually not able to pretend everything was fine to the other important entity in the whole thing.

My thoughts and suggestion of seclusion during tough times, just unfolded right in front of me and back fired in minutes! An ultimatum was served to my friend.

What I was and still am unable to overcome is what happened finally to the person at the core of this, my precious friend. That person got dinged from both the sides. To start with, all that person wanted was some comfort that was found in me. Fine, but when this loose-tongue thought too much of himself to suggest seclusion and that time should be given time, I was second-guessed ! The damage was instantaneous.

I was thought to have barged in, invaded the privacy and the worst of it - it pushed my friend to a corner :(

I wanted calm and peace to prevail so badly !

I didn't know where I was standing as I felt the ground underneath was moving rapidly and what stability I've, to comfort my friend, who was in need of it, more than ever.

I still don't know what I could have done or how the future is going to unfold, while the thought of both just freezes me up the spine, but I kept racking my braing with one question " why again, why me - what did I do wrong ".

Am I supposed to walk away when I see that someone is in trouble, enormous dis-comfort. NO!

But, suggesting someone to take time to be calm is a crime, I realize now, but it was my bad luck, I think that the underlying fact was overseen and I was seen an invader.

I've come to the point, that may be, my point of view about assumptions, conclusions and the so called talking-thro' tough situations, are squarely wrong !

Anyway, may god bring some peace into my friend's home and calmness in her mind, all asap. That's all I can think of and hope now :(

The other side is...

2006-03-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

Was talking to R yesterday, who is on a business trip to India/Bangalore. Being a native, he is having a good time. He good god graciously should, having gone such unexplainable events in the recent times.

The chat turned towards jobs in India and I got a good field report, live from Bangalore!. He was pretty upbeat about the job situation in India. Multi-nationals( is that term relevant anymore ?! ) are hiring at alarming pace. Jobs are everywhere I heard, waiting to be taken!!!. Attrition rates are high, but for a different reason, as compared to 1999, the last I rememember about the Indian job scene.

In 1999, the attrition was mainly due to IT professionals moving to US, but now its between companies based on compensation, but with in India. Still jobs are plenty. Very interesting scenario.

While it rekindled my thoughts about moving to India, my memory of the Indian job market, as old as 1999, still pulls me back. It was one bad experience, to say the least. Then, atleast in the company/group I worked for, they were clueless about 'corporate culture', 'time-sense' and 'career growth'. There was no difference between days and nights and on top of it, there was no value for the person, behind the term 'employee'. It literally pushed not only me, but many of us to force ourselves to eject out of the scene.

Roll forward to 7 years and here I'm thinking back about Indian job scene.

R did mention about the poor corporate culture, that's still prevalent and how in spite of it, jobs are available everywhere. But he mentioned that things have changed, so while I could still have problems adjusting to the new culture, it may 'may' be different and better than 1999.

But, it was gratifying to know that my country is forging ahead by leaps and bounds and it reflected the upbeat trip of President Bush, just yesterday.

On the flip side, I began to think as how much have things changed in my life as compared to 1999. The feeling of having lost a lot, overcame what I've gained over years and infact questioned whether the gain was real and was it 'gain' at all ?!

While I've thought about moving back many times before, this time it was, for some reason very different. One reason may be the near and dears ones are over there and that I wish more than ever to be nearer to them.

I'm still thinking, with my mind swaying... Hmm, interesting times.

Purgatory

2006-03-01T13:14:00.000-08:00

Posting after a long time... last few days/weeks have been really busy.

Didn't want to waste time on 'anything' but to be with my dearest friend. Often, time seemed to fly away and I wanted it to hold it, to not run away, but with no luck.

Hindsight, I feel very happy to what ever I got and what I was able to do, in the time I had.

Yesterday, it was an unusual drive to the San Francisco Airport. I've been there several times, like the airport too, but for the 1st time, I was a zombie, while I was driving yesterday night. My mind was just absolutely blank. While some song was on, in my car, nothing registered in my mind. People around me were talking to me too, but nothing registered, there either.

Looking back, I just can't comprehend the last few months. Life has take quiet a bit of a roller coaster ride. While I don't want to think back, as where and how I was, it just amazes me to feel that I'm seeing today, writing this in a much more different mood than before. Why?

Breaking out of any routine is never easy. May it be work, eating habits, extra curricular activities, anything that's been systematic - its never easy. While I did break out of lot of my routines, say 4 months back, getting into a new routine seemed hard in the beginning, but had a good grasp not so late. Felt very comfortable and 'this patient needed that medicine'. Mind and body got used to it. That became the new routine.

But now, there is a new routine ahead of me, but I feel more like the trajectory of a stone out of a sling - it travels very fast in the beginning, but as it travels, it slows down and sometimes feels it's not moving at all. Why?

I feel like thrown out of a centrifuge ! Why?

Getting back to the airport, after the usual routine, had a good amount of time to just sit and chat with my friend and while time again seemed to rush, I wanted to freeze the needle in my watch, to not move. But, well, atleast the timing worked out just perfect to have time to not miss anything( routine procedures, chat and photo-sessions ) and then the hard part "send off".

I remember every one of my send off from Chennai Airport but yesterday I realized even more as how hard it should've been to my family members - We're talking, but our minds aren't there. We're seeing time and signs, but they're not helping. We wish to stop the reason( as why we're there ) from happening, but can't and infact shouldn't.

To all those, who read this and who're under the illusion that traveling to US or traveling away from your family and friends is just easy or carry the 'its part of life' argument, I'd like to say - you're "squarely wrong". If you're able to handle it well, it doesn't mean that you got the knack of it, it just means that you're not bonded well to that person!

Back to the San Francisco Airport, it was very hard to see my friend go, as it was equally a very different drive back home, long and lonely. Alas, my friend is going back to the routine/system, that's safe, fun-filled and that is not new - I felt happy about it.

But in all good hope, I hope time and our good luck turns this impasse to just as a short-break and I could get back to the centrifuge and swivel as before, with my friend by my side.

Help me god!

State of War

2006-02-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

I finished one of the two books I bought recently - State of War by James Risen. What a marvelous book ?! Great job, bravo.

I was rushing to finish reading this book and couldn't really keep it down, while struggling hard to remember the names and connections mentioned thro' out the book :).

Since its political thriller, I'm not going to write, what I feel about it ;) instead am leaving some excerpts here.

I strongly recommend to read this book.

State of War - James Risen

"The National Security Council(NSC) at the White House, created during the Cold War to manager the enormous military, intelligence and foreign policy apparatus of the U.S. government, has been weak and dysfunctional in the Bush administration, according to many officials who have served in the administration."

"As national security advisor during Bush's first term, Condoleezza Rice had an excellent personal relationship with the president but lacked sufficient powers and authority to get crucial things done. Foreign policy was often forged by small groups in unlikely place,s including the office of the Vice President and the Office of the Secretary of Defense. Rice was forced to play catch-up and to accept professional indignities, particularly at the hands of Donald Rumsfeld. Her loyalty was rewarded, however, when Bush named her Secretary of State at the start of his second term."

"In many cases, policies weren't debated at all. There never was a formal meeting of all of the president's senior advisors to debate and decide whether to invade Iraq, according to a senior administration source."

"The most fateful decision of the post invasion period Â the move by American proconsul L. Paul Bremer to disband the Iraqi army Â may have been made without President Bush's advance knowledge, according to a senior White House source. The well placed source said he is virtually certain that the president didn't know of decision before it was taken."

"The absence of effective management has been the defining characteristic of the Bush administration's foreign policy and has allowed radical decisions to take effect rapidly with minimal review."

"When the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, the CIA's original mission ended. The agency had been created in 1947 for a singular purpose, to wage war against Soviet Communism, and for generations of CIA officers all other issues had been secondary."

"Analysts today are looking at intelligence coming in and then writing what they think about it, but they have no depth of knowledge to determine whether the current intelligence is correct. There are very few people left in the intelligence community who even remember how to do basic research."

"Underneath the broad arc of global events, there is a secret history of the CIA and the Bush administration both before and especially after 9/11. Its is a cautionary tale, one that shows how the most covert tools of American national security policy have been misused. It involves domestic spying, abuse of power and outrageous operations. It is a tale that can only now begin to be told."

Random but interesting read

2006-02-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

James Cameron's 'Game Theory'
Centrino Duo - Buy or wait
Linus Torvolds vs. GPL3
NASA's inspector general probed!
Indian army's 1965 invasion of Pakistan
Mother Teresa dies Sep/5/1997
IRA bomb kills Lord Mountbatten

Picasa -> Blogger

2006-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

Flower pot at my friend's place in Santa Barbara, CA.

2006-02-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

Test picasa -> hello -> blogger

D-Link gripes.

2006-02-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

Its been quiet an u-turn in case of my experiences with D-link after my last post.

My router acted ( and is still acting ) as weird as possible. So had been on the phone almost all the time to trouble-shoot the problem. It was quiet an harrowing experience with some rude customer-support engineers, who were practically clue-less of what was going on. Infact, one of them even hung-up on me!.

Having to decide whether to call them or not, I decided to give one last shot. The support call started all over again, right from the model number to the issues. Then as luck would've it, the support engineer decided to replace the router as it was still under the warranty. Now, that's where it stands.

But the problems are so much affecting me now, in the most crucial times. Having little time to talk my best friend, I didn't even realize that I lost my network connection.

To add more to the frustration, Yahoo messenger doesn't even recognize the lost network connection until I click on the contact to IM - WTF code they've written.

I keep thinking that I'm connected and that the contact is busy, but where in, the contact has been trying to reach me in my real ( offline ) state. Thanks to Yahoo messenger ( again ) I don't even have a trace of such black-hole message. That's really pathetic :(

I'm sure more to come on this. For now, I've to hold on to my thoughts and recommendations about D-link as I had been their strong advocate for a very long time.

Seeping water thro' the Iron Curtain, may be for the $ kickbacks

2006-01-28T07:52:00.000-08:00

Google in China

1/27/2006 11:58:00 AM
Posted by Andrew McLaughlin, senior policy counsel

Google users in China today struggle with a service that, to be blunt, isn't very good. Google.com appears to be down around 10% of the time. Even when users can reach it, the website is slow, and sometimes produces results that when clicked on, stall out the user's browser. Our Google News service is never available; Google Images is accessible only half the time. At Google we work hard to create a great experience for our users, and the level of service we've been able to provide in China is not something we're proud of.

This problem could only be resolved by creating a local presence, and this week we did so, by launching Google.cn, our website for the People's Republic of China. In order to do so, we have agreed to remove certain sensitive information from our search results. We know that many people are upset about this decision, and frankly, we understand their point of view. This wasn't an easy choice, but in the end, we believe the course of action we've chosen will prove to be the right one.

Launching a Google domain that restricts information in any way isn't a step we took lightly. For several years, we've debated whether entering the Chinese market at this point in history could be consistent with our mission and values. Our executives have spent a lot of time in recent months talking with many people, ranging from those who applaud the Chinese government for its embrace of a market economy and its lifting of 400 million people out of poverty to those who disagree with many of the Chinese government's policies, but who wish the best for China and its people. We ultimately reached our decision by asking ourselves which course would most effectively further Google's mission to organize the world's information and make it universally useful and accessible. Or, put simply: how can we provide the greatest access to information to the greatest number of people?

Filtering our search results clearly compromises our mission. Failing to offer Google search at all to a fifth of the world's population, however, does so far more severely. Whether our critics agree with our decision or not, due to the severe quality problems faced by users trying to access Google.com from within China, this is precisely the choice we believe we faced. By launching Google.cn and making a major ongoing investment in people and infrastructure within China, we intend to change that.

No, we're not going to offer some Google products, such as Gmail or Blogger, on Google.cn until we're comfortable that we can do so in a manner that respects our users' interests in the privacy of their personal communications. And yes, Chinese regulations will require us to remove some sensitive information from our search results. When we do so, we'll disclose this to users, just as we already do in those rare instances where we alter results in order to comply with local laws in France, Germany and the U.S.

Obviously, the situation in China is far different than it is in those other countries; while China has made great strides in the past decades, it remains in many ways closed. We aren't happy about what we had to do this week, and we hope that over time everyone in the world will come to enjoy full access to information. But how is that full access most likely to be achieved? We are convinced that the Internet, and its continued development through the efforts of companies like Google, will effectively contribute to openness and prosperity in the world. Our continued engagement with China is the best (perhaps only) way for Google to help bring the tremendous benefits of universal information access to all our users there.

We're in this for the long haul. In the years to come, we'll be making significant and growing investments in China. Our launch of google.cn, though filtered, is a necessary first step toward achieving a productive presence in a rapidly changing country that will be one of the world's most important and dynamic for decades to come. To some people, a hard compromise may not feel as satisfying as a withdrawal on principle, but we believe it's the best way to work toward the results we all desire.

Link

D-Link support rocks.

2006-01-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

After a marathon 3 hour session with D-link support, I'm back ( on blogger and few other sites ). Weird as is, my access was blocked to few of the websites, I regularly visit ( blogger.com, address.yahoo.com, ndtv.com ).

The block was so selective and without a trace. Logs were clear on the router. The problem was later isolated to be at the router as I was able to access them all, when I hard-wired my cable-modem connection to my PC, directly.

Equally baffling was the 'reset' option in my D-Link router( DI-624 ), which doesn't really reset the settings unless done in a particular way( read ahead ).

Phone calls to D-Link support initially were of no use as some of the technicians tried their best even to the extent of blaming my ISP to not being able to give me the optimum MTU( Maximum Transmission Unit ) setting. My ISP was actually clueless of what was going on and just blamed it on the router.

Having tried all options, I made one more phone-call and after about 1/2 hour the technician pretty much gave up but decided to transfer me to some black hole. Not knowing to whom I was waiting for, a technician called Chistopher took over and was absolutely systematic and clear.

I was able to follow where he was going, thro' out and it was all right of his finger-tips. I then realize the odd reset procedure.

"Hold the reset button for 15seconds, after 15, remove the power-chord of the router, wait for 15 more seconds, plug back on, wait for 15 seconds, release the reset button, wait for 15 seconds, power off again and wait for 15 seconds and set up the rest" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

After all this, everything resumed like magic. This being not the first time experience with D-Link support, really amazes, while I'm still puzzled as what could've caused that selective blockade.

Great words of hope and inspiration

2006-01-26T12:39:00.000-08:00

"you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them

looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow

connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut,

destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down,

and it has made all the difference in my life.”

“I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away

from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still

loved what I did.”

“The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of

being a beginner again, less sure about everything.”

“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work

as it is for your lovers.”

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way

to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the

only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't

found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the

heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship,

it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking

until you find it. Don't settle.”

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've

ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because

almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of

embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face

of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that

you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of

thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.

There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of

other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions

drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the

courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow

already know what you truly want to become. Everything else

is secondary.”

“Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish”

Steve Jobs @ Stanford University

Ex tempore decisio

2006-01-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

A conversation with a close friend brought me into this - "language" i.e. the 'usage of words'. While I try to follow that I should measure my words and not hurt anyone inadvertently, I have often ran into problems and end up being branded as 'paranoid' or 'unnecessary thinker', 'think too much', 'emotional person' and few others.

Its paradoxical, as misunderstanding is what I'm trying to avoid. What I found hard to fight could be classified into three categories

Assumptions : People don't ask for clarification, instead assume
Conclusions : Very closely related to 'Assumptions', but much more fatal
Errors : Inadvertent or deliberate mistakes

Assumptions : To a great part I believe, they're the root of all evils. If I don't have the guts to ask for clarification, I shouldn't assume. "Never assume anything", Cosmo Kramer of Seinfeld says in an episode. Open communication clears all 'doubts'.

Conclusions : As assumptions, this is not good. If I conclude, I'm removing the option for the other person to clarify his/her position. "This is it, this is what it means and I'm right about it" is what we come across the most. Should I give the person a chance to explain and then decide what's right and what's not ? Even with that option, wouldn't putting across what I had in mind, how/why it had changed ( if it has changed ), help to mitigate the mis-understanding?

Errors : These could be serious or could be silly. What ever it is, we're talking about 'after the fact' scenario. i.e. the mistake has been done, target has been hit.

What do I do ?

I can conclude and rule the person off
I can assume, conclude and still rule the person off
I can just not think about it, which is almost equivalent to #1
I can reach the person, explain things, get his point of view and then decide

#4 is based on the simple belief that "every coin has 2 sides" and "hindsight is 20/20".

All these have an under-current "reach" i.e. reach the person, get to know the facts and then decide. The not of this, precludes all others.

Two cases in my experience stands out...
1. My friend said something and I couldn't digest it. Years of acquaintance, came to an abrupt end. An year and half passed in silence. I woke up one morning, 7AM it was. Decided in less than 20 seconds that I could've been wrong as I didn't hear him out. Wrote a mail "what ever has happened has already happened, we can't change, but we can forget or ignore them and move on". With in a day, he wrote and reached back.

2. My friend's derogatory comment about my family member, at the heights of a discussion, didn't go well with me. I just froze in time confined in a mental-block. 5 years passed. The trio broke to 2 but I realized the dangling end after 5 years, just when I was hearing about another friend's story on friendship. Realized that I can see far and beyond - wrote a mail guessing the id's out of memory. 6/7 mails bounced. But one of them reached and reached the correct person. I got a call from half way thro' the world in less than 12 hours and we spoke for 3 hours to catch up with the 5 years we had drifted away.

I can never, ever seem to agree that "you say what you want to say and dont worry about how its taken". Words uttered can't be taken back, but can be brushed aside - I believe.

Am I wrong ? Is this too much of a thing to think about ?

Solitude

2006-01-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

"Solitude"
by: Alexander Pope

Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air
In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire;
Whose trees in summer yield shade,
In winter, fire.

Blest, who can unconcernedly find
Hours, days, and years, slide soft away
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day.

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mixed; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

Its been a harrowing day so far. My close friend's wife had a mis-carriage 3 weeks back and I got to know only today, after they came out of their emotional-shell. It struck me at several levels, sending shock-waves, that I thought I'd throw some emotions out here.

I've known them for a long time now and for the same reason, I couldn't digest this at all. While I'm happy to hear that she is doing fine and recovering and he is back at work, trying to divert himself, a loss is a loss.

My other friend always remarks "life is beautiful". While I believe it to most part, events like these doesn't explain much about life at all. Its filled with pain, striking at its will, but always with full power.

I completely agree that a delivery to a mom is a re-birth, but on the same note, its that highest form of expectation and excitement, when tormented by these fateful happenings, I can't even articulate how they should be feeling inside.

He said, they can't even bawl out, as once when they did it, their only other kid, not knowing what's happening brought a napkin and told them not to cry.

This was too much for me to even hear it over the phone and more than me, for them to handle, I'm sure.

I could sense the he is out of tears to cry now, when he said this all, in an absolutely raw tone. His current state of sounding strong, is something I don't totally believe in - he is in survival mode. He has other responsibilities to take care now, more than he has time to grieve. I can't believe how is handling it.

God : Please bless them with mental calmness and strength, which is the need of the hour above all, for them to carry themselves into the future.

Mount Shasta

2006-01-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was one of the greatest weekend, I ever had in a long time. A magical trip to Mount Shasta.

Having gone thro', so many options to do over the weekend, Mount Shasta came out as a surprising option and in the very last minute. It turned to be a wonderful call from A( Thank you! ), with sweet little surprises, all thro' the way...

As my vehicle was up for its regular medical check-up, I didn't want to risk to test its limits by going far, without servicing it. So decided to rent a car. After almost deciding to go with Hertz as always, I thought I'd check with Avis also. While Avis didn't gave me brands/models in the mid-size category, I decided to go with them.

Had to take VTA bus to go to the local dealer and got a free ride :) as the ticketing system was broken. $1.75 was spared. As I sat down in the bus, immediately I couldn't help but appreciate enough the honesty of VTA's service. They could've done many things

Terminate the service of that particular bus
Needn't take new passengers
Collect money in a different way etc.

But they decided to help their customer ! On top of it, the driver thinking that I'm new to USA/California, decided to tell me of other commuting options :). Nice people. I salute you with all my respect VTA. Great customer service.

I reached the rental-car dealer. Then to my great surprise, I got Pontiac G6.

Having driven Ford's and Chevrolet, I was so curious to check out this vehicle, as I knew nothing about it, except that it has a V-6 engine. I drove out and it was like floating in a cold breeze. The suspensions were so good and car was so good to drive. Very basic but good interior gizmos were keeping me happy( I hope others too ), throughout the trip.

But none of these would justify me closing the wind-shield( power windows also ) with A's hand outside. It was very sad and I could sense the pain in her eyes. Very sorry A!

Back home, the trip was gaining lot of momentum, drawing time-lines, taking directions etc. and we decided to leave at 5:30AM. But all three of us were ready. It was raining in here and weather conditions were really bad, enroute.

I was very worried whether I should call if off as there was no point driving 300+ miles and trying to check-out a down-pour, which I can do at home itself. More than that, I was worried that having spent so much of time in planning and executing it, A should be able to enjoy it, during this short-trip.

We were about 100 miles from our destination and while rain was still pounding in few places, driving on a deserted I-5 amongst few resting birds on the freeway(!!!) was simply amazing. So was the feeling, when ripping at 80-90 mph, in this powerful car, which took all my stress test.

About 50miles from our destination, as magic, the rain had stopped and it was drizzling once in a while and after about 30miles the rain stopped !!! I just couldn't believe the dramatic weather change. It was wonderful to see the snow-fall. Perfect weather to be in such a place.

The next few hours were for the brain to capture the purest form of snow over almost anything I could see, but more particularly over the landscape and tall trees. My brain was in superb capture mode in that sub-zero temperature.

Driving on some stretch of the road, which was completely white was a thrill. Long drives on Mount Shasta Blvd/CA-89 was a gift.

I'm a kid when it comes to playing in the snow. Holding it and splashing it on others is something that I've always enjoyed. We all spent a great amount of time playing in the snow :)

After a tiring skiing session, we were slowly inching towards depression ! We have to head back :(

On our way back, in the middle of now where was a good uninhabited stretch. A rightly compared it to look like the forest in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. It was heavenly!!!

With all great memories, we came back and there was not a drop or rain :). What an amazing trip!

I'm doing nothing

2006-01-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

"I'm so busy doing nothing...that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and forces me to have to drop everything." -- Jerry Seinfeld

Politically correct

2006-01-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

I'm very excited today to have gotten 2 books State of War and The Da Vinci Code

Have started to read both of them :) simultaneously, but am inclinded to wrap up State of war first, as I'd like to see how it can related to what I read in the Plan of Attack by Bob Woodward. I highly recommend Plan of attack and Bob is an gifted writer. His presentation skills are amazing.

I've had this great feeling of following the Bush's war Gulf war and now Iraq war. As I remember, during Gulf war, CNN exploded in the media world in Asia or India( I should say ) and it was so thrilling to see a real war on TV. Iraq or Saddam's army firing those strings of missiles in the dark, black sky, on the incoming figther jets and bombers.

I'd have not believed myself to be in US soil to witness a war, the most deplorable act of human kind, Iraq war or the war based on vendatta or to its core, a war based on lies.

Time and time again I've had thoughts about pouring out my auguish about this war, as I've watched countless hours of lame excuses right from the days of 9/11 till this moment. But, well to a great part I feel ashamed to been the witness of a ruthless act.

This war or the hatred is far, far from over. What has been opened is a can of worms and only time will tell as how many of them will lhave severe biological, toxic and long term effects. Those would certainly be the days after Bush and may be many of his successors( as the President of the United States ) are long gone.

Mistakes can be covered only by mistakes, I had to strongly believe after Bush's reelection. I'd leave this topic here as I've a boat load to write, but would keep this topic open.

Back to books, The Da Vinci Code interested me for couple of reasons,
1. Reviews about the book
2. Ron Howard/Tom Hanks interest to bring it to the screen.

Those two are some of the best talents of our times, in my opinion and their hard-work and dedication simply amazes me.

I can't wait to see that movie in big-screen, while I also want to experience the thrill of reading a book and watching it in full-screen. Will write back on this also.

Seattle - A memoir

2006-01-05T08:31:00.000-08:00

As my flight back to San Jose floated over the clouds, with an aurora of white light around its wings, the background of the 'glow of Seattle/Tacoma' region slowly faded away.

But that beautiful backdrop mixed with this quick 1-1/2 day trip took my memories all the way back to 1999 winter.

Yes, I was here in Seattle. My 1st job in US! Working for Walt Disney out of Bellevue and then out of downtown. Those days were golden. Never knew the meaning of the words 'stress' ? 'tension' ?? et al.

Driving all the way to downtown Seattle in I-90 was fun. Tonight, the cab driver( from Hungary) was complaining about traffic of these days on I-90 and Hungary joining the European Union. He was also talking about migrating to USA, 30 years ago, while I was trying to queue my thoughts of my days between 1999 and 2000.

But yesterday, to start with, as I had expected, my flight to Seattle was delayed yesterday, thank you Alaska.

After I reached my hotel, I stepped to munch something. I walked thro' the streets of Seattle.

God, I missed you so much! The strong, cold breeze, the beautiful lights and amazing architecture of some of the buildings felt so much like an homecoming :). I've driven in some of these streets but still, it all felt so good.

Downtown streets reminded me of the day, I wandered around to get to Costco, to get a bag of rice :))) and getting lost and driving and driving around for hours to finally find it :))

But yesterday, to a great disgust, all I could find was a Subway and yes, all I ate was veggie delight breaking my vow that I won't have it again. But considering I was so hungry, I do have to thank Subway for working late.

Thanks to amazon, I stayed in a very comfortable room in W Hotels. CNN and other news media were trying to make it up for the west virginia mine media fiasco.

I was feeling bad to not be able to roam around downtown, as it was late and mainly that I couldn't take much photos. Had planned them all, with my original flight schedule. Thanks again Alaska.

It was a brisk morning. Nice shower setup in W Hotel he he he. and I was out on the street to get a cup of coffee. In this 'land of the starbucks'(PDF), it took me less than 15 seconds to find a nearest one. As I stood in the line to get my Cappuccino being greeting by the nice people of Seattle, those great days of team-coffee-meetings came to my mind. With Curtis( most of the time ) , Matt( sometimes ) and all those solo walk to the nearest Starbucks to get those caramel machiato or caramel frappucino ( many times as a substitute for lunch ) flashed in my mind.

I walked back and had to take a long walk to amazon but walked thro', some of the familiar structures such as the majestic Bank of America towers and Union station.

Done with my appoitment, I walked to meet my great friend Jialu Zhang. I'm meeting her after about 3 years or so. Last time was when she visted San Francisco. She has become so thin, but that electric smile greeted me well. She was so nice to me, as always.

To think more about her, she is one of a kind of an Oracle DBA that I always admired. Having done her PhD in medicine in China, her decision to get into tech ( one fine day ) and more particularly databases and going all the way to taking the OCP still sounds to me, like a fantasy story. So is her husband's work on GENOME and DNA-sequencing. Back then, it was the same reason, I recommended Walt Disney, strongly to hire, just immediately after I interviewed her. One of the most memorable interview I ever conducted. Matt did hire her and later sounded very happy about it. Glad to have had a chance to know her and to know her well, all these years.

She now works for Washington Mutual and having experimented( should actually say mastered ) so many different things( Perl course, OCP certifications, datawarehousing(!!) and many others ), it was no surprise for me to hear that she is now doing Oracle 10g with RAC on Red Hat Linux servers - way to go Lu!( as she is called ).

It was extremely sad to hear that her trip to China/Shanghai after 15 years(!!!) coincided on the same day as her grandma's last day. She sounded and looked very devasted.

We took a long walk on the downtown and we had a lot to catch up( she is one bad person when it comes to communication and keeping in touch - I didn't like that but sorry Lu :) that's true ). But I was so happy to have had a chance to meet her and boy I missed the days, we used to discuss Oracle installation thingy and break our heads in her desk on some silly Oracle problems.

We spent a good time talking and walking in the streets of downtown and as I called to check on Bobby McKenzie, my last manager in Disney. As a great coincedence, Lu and I were walking just on the foot of the majestic Smith Towers at the very moment. I loved that building and felt so proud to take that lift( opertated by service!!! - one of its great and unique tradition ). It was sad that I couldn't catch up with Bobby as he was already home, but equally sad was the fact that I didn't have my 1st US boss( Matt Estes )'s number. Should write him an email. He was a great man(ager).

Streets of downtown Seattle hasn't changed at all but it still carries the same charm that I always loved. I still remember driving to the edge of the downtown and walking to work, from the parking garage. The cold wind would just hit me in the face and more particularly freeze my spine, near the neck, rain or shine( few times a year )but nevertheless, I loved them all.

That walk with a coffee mug in hand and amongst the busy-downtown-morning-crowd always made me so happy. Now here I'm, again walking on the same streets of downtown, with one of the same gang members. It felt so great.

Years have flown by, we all have come a long way, but the downtown remained as the same observer of me and few of us, in those same streets, as it was not so long ago.

When do I get you see you again and how soon would it be ?! ( made it sound like the Apollo 13's Jim Lovell's last few words )

Blogger

2005-12-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

Blogger is different to say the least. Having spent some time in 360.yahoo.com and once in a while in LiveJournal, Blogger has some nuances, unlike the other two. Bit of learning curve, for me. But I like it. Let me see how much I can beautify my new home.

King Kong

2005-12-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

After a long wait( a week from its release, but considering how excited I was to see this, it was long ;) ) I saw King Kong with A( great company, thanks! ).

Disclaimer : I've not read any story on King Kong nor have see any of the previous King Kong movies, just for one reason that I thought it won't be worthy enuf to watch in previous generation CG

So when I read that Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame was to make a movie on King Kong, I was thrilled, as I found Lord of the Rings was a great movie.

Generally I don't read any movie reviews as like that bit of surprise( good or bad ). I was wondering only one fact that its a 3-hour movie(!!), but having seen the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, I was giving reasons to myself that Peter Jackson doesn't jump to the meat of the movie, instead he lets the story takes its course, which many times people find to be a drag. But I've found that treatment to be fine.

So with an open mind, but with little expectations I start watching the movie. As I expected, he didn't 'jump' to show the collosal ape, instead was driving the suspense up as how these bunch of humans( Newyorkers ;) ) end up in a remote island called Skull Island.

The next few minutes were an absolute waste with so much of gory images of fights with the tribes of this remote island. Funny as is these tribes catch hold of Ann Darrow( Naomi Watts ) and package her to other side of the same island, where King Kong lives. To the size of the ape, the distance between the 2 parts of the island is just a hop away and can equally harm the tribe, but that's ok, let me shut down my logic-processor for now. I've 2.5 hours to cover.

Ann Darrow comes face to face of King Kong and after several mintues of roller-coaster rides, she still has her consciousness and finds a new trick to entertain the ape!!!!! She juggles and somersaults !!!! What in gods name was that? Setting aside the fact that we're able to differentiate that Ann Darrow is not really juggling stones, instead its CG, that was one crazy idea for her to catch the attention of the ape! Please guys... think.

Meanwhile, rhe reluctant crew of the small ship decides to fight the tribe after spraying bullets( sound of those machine guns sucked ) all over the place, the tribes just dis-appear from the movie. Part of the crew get into the world of Dinosaurus!!! and weird big insects. Next few stunts, Peter Jackson tries his level best to tell Steven Spielberg and convince us that he too can handle Dinosaurs. So many of those scenes such as Ann Darrow stuck in the midst of 3 Dinosaurus are an aboluste replica of Jurassic Park - I. Tripping of those Dinosaurs one on top of the other was just yukky as if tons and tons of chappati dough getting trashed. Yuk. Equally gory was showing some of these insects sucking humans alive by their organs. All these are shot in the movie by the ambitious director Carl Denham( Jack Black ), who is very insistent to tape this all for this movie and while he has other plans.

Having lost most of the crew members, those left alive decide to go back, while the 'once in a while hero' Jack Driscoll ( Adrien Brody ) decides to go looking for Ann Darrow( Naomi Watts ). The crew is reluctant, but on his way Jack is again confronted by a fleet of large insects. Crew helps him and others survive. Jack in few moments finds Ann. It just reminded me that a roller-coaster ride no matter where it takes you, how it takes you, after all those twists and turns, comes back to the same place you started. It holds true for King Kong also. For its size, for the sprint, apparently it was just few steps away for Jack to find Ann. Darn, its a waste of its

Jack finds Ann and I really missed an Indian director over there to shoot a beautiful song in South Africa or Switzerland( and ofcourse to come back to the hands of the ape ). Anyway, King Kong fights a turf war for 'its' girl Ann, with Jack. Crew traps the ape to sedate with cans of chlorform( In a secret voyage, somebody was smart enuf to carry gallons of Chlorofrom, anyways.... ) and bring him to the city!!!!

Ann is very happy to see the 'once in a while' hero Jack, but equally sympathetic on the dizzying ape. Time rolls by. Ann moves on to be on a dance troupe. Jack stages his comedy play. All of a sudden, he realizes that his plays' lead herione sucks, he recalls Ann Darrow and drives mad on the streets of New York, which is already being ravaged by King Kong.

Speaking of streets of New York, I read the interview of Peter Jackson and the team trying to recreate them in the set and how tuff it was. It wasn't that much special, I'd say. Few patches and lights does make it clear that its CG after all.

Anyways, I strongly believe that Jack's intention was to find a good heroine for his play, rather that to find his 'once upon a time' love. He confronts King Kong on the way, wonder why ?!( its on his way to find his heroine - makes sense ). King Kong calms down ( briefly ) in seeing Ann Darrow walk out of the smoke ( I expected her to say 'hi', but its ok ). Time for the elevator service for Ann Darrow again and King Kong grabs her and runs thro' the city and climbs the Empire State Building!!

I'm sure Peter Jackson was caught to keep the next few scenes as a replica of old ones that it has to climb the empire state building and fight the planes. These are world war I planes, I gather and those shooters are so darn in-accurate to shoot an ape which is just few 100/1000's of feet away. World War planes, I repeat. King Kong is also able to jump and catch hold of a plane to just toss it out, as trash. Finaaaaaaally the bullets pearce thro the King Kong and its hurt and finally falls down from the top.

A was absolutely right. We were looking for it die, almost to the point of "die already please, or give me that goddam gun, lets get over with this".

3 hours have gone by and the movie is over and as I tried to summarize myself as what went on... I realise that there was no real story as such in the 1st place to carry this. More importantly, I started to doubt the talent of Peter Jackson!

To compare, I think its was the story of The Lord of the Rings which carried him all along to get several Oscars, than the opposite. Now, King Kong turned to be a real test, where in, the story is more of a resurrected character( King Kong ) and with today's tech, what could be done. May be "may be" King Kong was a wrong pick by Peter Jackson. But having picked the subject, I think it was very poor treatment in terms of emotions, thrills etc.